I told my sister about “Max” a while ago and she obviously isn’t very happy about it (not my problem). In our online chats, she keeps referring to Max using her old name, “Suzy.”
Every time she does that, I’ll say something like, “Oh yeah, Max is so glad that…”
I don’t want his visit to be a disaster, nor do I want to listen to his quote from the Bible, etc. As my sister does not live in this country, Max has not seen her for a long time. I didn’t tell Max about their aunt’s refusal to call them “Max”.
How should I handle this?
Anxious: Nonbinary does not refer to sexuality, but to gender. I’m not aware that the Bible addresses this aspect of being human (but I guess readers will correct me).
If you accept that gender occurs along a continuum marked by two genders at either end of the spectrum, female/male, then it makes sense that a percentage of humans identify as neither fully male nor completely feminine – but as “non-binary”.
Again, this gender identification is separate from the issue of a person’s sexuality.
Note that even after you explain this, your sister might find it confusing.
But even the most confused or gender denying person can figure it out when someone changes their name.
Your sister would probably respect a name change if “Max” got married and took on a spouse’s last name.
You should say, “Please refer to ‘Max’ as ‘Max’. It’s their name. If she forgets, remind her.
And yes, let Max know. Max can decide how much they want to care about your sister’s opinions, and I suggest you keep going, whistling at your sister’s nonsense until her visit is over. As you rightly point out, this is “not your problem”.
I recently watched an informative and compassionate introduction to TED Talk on the subject of non-binary growth. I strongly recommend that you send a link to your sister: “Walking through the world nonbinary”, by Jesse Lueck, which is available on YouTube.
dear Amy: I am a married woman and I am 60 years old.
My husband and I haven’t had sex in over two years.
I keep hearing about people in their 60s having fun and having sex. My husband is on high blood pressure medication and it has been hard on our sex life.
Here’s the thing: An old friend of mine contacted me via Facebook. He and I flirted with each other, but we live in different cities.
He told me he wished I wasn’t married because he would come to town and knock me down.
He is so funny and caring and we talk a lot via Facebook Messenger. I think about having sex with him all the time, and he says the same thing.
Is this wrong? What should I do?
Pending: I’m sorry you’re having this challenge in your marriage. Is your constant communication with this other person and sharing thoughts and fantasies bad?
How would you feel if you were drunk or sick and your husband did what you do?
Fantasy can be wonderful and life-affirming. You must not deprive yourself of it! You might even be able to bring some of that energy back into your marriage. But this relationship presents quite a slippery slope for you and has started to interfere with your emotional bond with your husband.
dear Amy: “Childless NOT by choicewas a young woman who had changed her mind about having children.
When I was 42, I started dating a 29-year-old man. I told her up front, very early in our relationship, that I didn’t want kids. He decided he was okay with it.
Several years later, he changed his mind and ended our relationship.
I remember thinking, “What was I thinking asking a 29-year-old man to make that kind of decision?
I should have known better!
Childless: That’s a very comprehensive answer.
©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency
