As much as I would like to pay everyone’s bill, I am not financially able to do so. How can I word the invitation tactfully so everyone knows I’m inviting them to dinner, not offering them one? I don’t want anyone to be hampered by assumptions or expectations.
Here’s a lesson about the real world: if you can’t afford to do something, you can’t do it.
It’s true that getting others to pay your bills has become a national sport, whether through gift registries, fundraisers, or charging people you claim to entertain. The “come honor me at your expense” ruse is a common ploy. Miss Manners won’t help you do that.
Why didn’t you ask how to entertain your colleagues inexpensively instead? Maybe you could treat them all to a toast in the office cafeteria or at a bar after work. Or invite them to a weekend tea party. Or you can simply say how happy you are to have graduated and have a great job working with people you admire. Then maybe someone would think to toast you.
Dear Miss Manners: Should the bride and groom be shown the best man’s speech before the wedding? Or, if not them, someone else?
What makes you Do you think the witness needs to be checked? Oh, that’s right, he’s the groom’s best friend, so it’s not hard to guess his idea of what should be said. Miss Manners guesses that’s the problem. Perhaps this should have been taken into account before giving him this role.
But yes, the groom can ask, in a spirit of friendship, what his boyfriend thinks he is saying. He might even leave some remarks about the sensitivity of the crowd and what topics to avoid, no matter how amusing they may be. But ultimately, he must trust that his best man will do his best to please him.
Dear Miss Manners: Over the past few years, I have introduced recently bereaved female relatives and friends as “Widow X.” I was surprised to learn that this offended some people, so I thought I would vary the introduction with an occasional “relic X”.
Which term do you think most women would prefer? In the case of a grieving man, would the term “relic” be appropriate? Thanks for any advice you can offer.
Some advice: please stop annoy the bereaved by showing your familiarity with departed terms that identify them as remains.
Dear Miss Manners: Is there a way to politely withdraw from an already accepted invitation? I know this happens too frequently for some reason, but there are situations where something bigger actually comes up. Is there a decent way to handle this?
Illness and death are excuses that any host should recognize as valid for canceling an invitation. “Something more important” is not.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
