I miss her and I don’t know why she did that. This is a very hurtful way to end a friendship, where I don’t even get a chance to talk and find out what’s really going on. Would you like to try another way?
Ghost : No I will not. Its message is clear and includes both the message itself and its method of delivery. From your description, she seems to have deliberately chosen to drop him and hide where you can’t reach her to respond.
That’s a lousy thing to do to a friend. I’m not fine.
But it is also, once again, clear. So continuing to try to give your side of the story or extract theirs would cross a line. Accept the verdict, no matter how shitty it is, and understand that the friend and the friendship weren’t as healthy as you thought.
Re: Ghost: Why is healthy withdrawal after consistent boundary violations considered “ghosting” or “undoing”? If you’re wondering whether the person you think you’re entitled to has any interest in interacting with you, you may be able to solve your mystery.
Anonymous: I’ll be happy to never see “undo” anything again, and the real “ghost” would have been silence without even the text.
And, as I said, to pursue this friend further would be to violate this friend’s clear boundaries.
But: There’s nothing in the letter that says Ghosted committed “consistent boundary violations.”
When there is an established friendship and there is no abuse, I think it’s still ugly to say bad things about someone and not allow them any rebuttal.
Thoughts from other readers:
· I had someone do this too. Not only would I not advise going any further, but I also think we need to question the idea that a conversation would have gone any better. Someone who would do that is not someone with whom you are going to have a satisfying conversation or reach a satisfying resolution. She may have even done you a favor with the ghost text.
· I ended a long friendship by “ghosting” the other party after realizing the extent of their emotional manipulation of me. It was the only way I could do this without them trying to manipulate me again.
I think about how much better I feel with this person no longer in my life. This may sound harsh, but I did it for myself, and I’m proud to do what’s best for me, even if some people think I owe it to them to tell them why I stopped talking to them .
· The text wasn’t your first clue. Believe me: the signals were there before. You just haven’t seen them. Accept text as the only way to reach you.
· I agree, the breaking of the text probably didn’t come out of nowhere – but I disagree that this means Ghosted was somehow at fault and that it was the ” only way” to get out of it. I don’t think we know enough to make that judgment.
