Carolyn Hax: Single friend accuses couples of ruining group vacation

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Adapted from an online discussion.

Dear Caroline: Just returned from a great holiday with friends we hadn’t seen in over a year. One of our friends, “Dana”, didn’t have a good time and blames the rest of us.

We rented a huge house on a beautiful beach with another couple and Dana. She doesn’t care about the beach but during the planning stages said she would be fine as there were fun things to do in the area.

Once we got there, Dana kept trying to find someone to go on day trips with her, but we just wanted to hang out at the beach and be together to catch up, so she left alone. The last night we were all lamenting about having to leave when Dana said she couldn’t wait – it was the worst vacation ever. She said we all “froze” her, wouldn’t do anything she wanted and stuck her in the worst room. Hers was the smallest of the three, and we had agreed that the couples would get the two master suites and split the cost accordingly, which meant we all paid a lot more than her.

We also made sure she didn’t pay so much for groceries, wine, and beer. The house was luxurious, so she really got a good deal.

I feel bad that Dana had a bad time, because she’s one of my oldest friends, but did we do something wrong? I thought the main thing was that we were all together again, and that we didn’t miss trying to sightsee and go shopping. Shouldn’t Dana have realized that beach lovers were going to spend their time on the beach?

Friend : So you didn’t go with her once? Everywhere?

And two couples really believed that the only member without a partner in the group imagined doing these “fun things” all the time?

And return to his non-master suite? What made a room assignment reasonable on paper but in a climate of really just insulting everything encapsulated?

And now you’re counting on me to admit it was her fault that she felt completely alien? Since she “did really get a good deal”?

I don’t have any more exaggerated rhetorical questions, so I’ll wrap up: Dana probably would have liked at least one friend to show an interest in spending time with her. Your disregard for his interests – “don’t miss trying to sightsee and shop” – is palpable.

Re: Dana: Sorry, but your response was condescending to singles. If Dana needs company on her outings, she should choose her vacations accordingly. I would be mortified if someone joined me on a sightseeing trip out of pity.

Anonymous: Groups involve attention to inclusion. To dismiss such attention as “pity” strangely absolves people of their responsibilities to each other to think inclusively. They care enough to travel together as friends, but not enough to hang out with Dana on her terms? Wow.

Other reader reviews:

My single friends and I say, “That’s the beach house thing,” when couples automatically assume perks for themselves, like the master suite with the deck and the water view, while a single sister shares the basement room with the 8-year-old. old niece. There are many ways to attribute desirable things, people.

· …aaaaand that’s why your single friends tend to ignore you once you’ve divorced or become a widower. The treatment of “sufficient married people” cuts deeply.

· If I were Dana, I would re-evaluate these so-called friends and wonder how I could have missed the potential of this kind of unpleasant vacation. She “kept trying to find someone to do the day trips with her.” That says it all.

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