I know he and his wife want to keep his story private. However, the other neighbors in my house are unaware of the situation and their children play and interact with the sex offender’s family. Should I tell unaware neighbors about his sex offender status, or should I stay silent?
I would appreciate your advice.
Uncertain: You don’t say how you know about this offense, but you have to take it for granted that these neighbors don’t want others to know that he is a convicted sex offender. But it doesn’t depend on them.
Convicted sex offenders are assigned a status: level one, two or three. Level one is considered “low risk of reoffending” and level three “high risk of reoffending”. Every state maintains a sex offender registry. You can check the registry for your postcode to see if your neighbor is registered and what their classification is.
The reason the registry exists is because people should know if sex offenders are living in the community because of the need to protect children from predators. Carrying this virtual scarlet letter is the ongoing consequence of committing a sex crime against a child.
Your neighbors should disclose the offender’s conviction and if he is classed as low risk, they should disclose this and explain the circumstances – for example, if he was 19 and had sex with someone who was not has reached the age of consent in his State. (A convicted person can go to prison for a level 1 offense, but the punishment also seems to depend on the state in which the offense was committed.) In short, I suggest that the convicted offender and his wife do demonstrate ethics by informing others. of his criminal situation.
They probably won’t, and so yes, you should let the parents in your life know. Those informed should make every effort to independently verify the information through a neutral source, such as the sex offender registry. (See nsopw.gov.)
Dear Amy: I have a strange question about parenting. My four-year-old daughter takes a little nap after returning from preschool. After her nap yesterday, she came down the stairs and her hair had been cut! She denies doing it and is very upset.
Her bangs were cut right down to her hairline, and one entire side was cut short, while the other was longer. I’m afraid she will do that. This seems really dangerous and self-destructive. And she denied doing it, even though she clearly had. So she lies.
My husband and I don’t know what to do about this. We don’t know how worried we should be.
Worried: Congratulations, you’ve just passed a near-universal rite of passage for parents of four-year-olds. Children of this age seem to have to cut their hair. And most lie about it. (I remember blaming my sister for cutting mine while I was sleeping.) It’s not self-harm. It’s beautifying. And curiosity. And a growing awareness of how scissors work. (It is quite remarkable that children who do this do not seem to hurt themselves.)
Stay calm and in good spirits. Tell your daughter that hair takes a long time to grow and that now that it is cut, she will need to be patient while it grows back. Tell her that the scissors are very sharp and that she should ask you if she wants to use them. Take her to a hair salon or hairdresser to have a professional sort things out. (Correcting these self-haircuts is probably why the “pixie cut” was invented.)
Your child’s preschool teachers are a great source of wisdom. Ask for their opinion.
Dear Amy: I cried when I read these words in response to the question of “scared mom“, on her daughter’s alcoholism: “Give her a neutral refuge so she doesn’t isolate herself and encourage her to seek treatment without letting her alcoholism become her primary identity in your relationship. THANKS!
— Parent of an alcoholic
Parent: Alcoholism is a family disease; it will consume everyone’s lives – if you let it.
© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
