Ask Amy: I delayed starting a new job out of guilt and fear

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dear Amy: For years, I wanted to change companies for a different position. The company I was interested in approached me out of the blue and offered me a great job. After several meetings and detailing all the details, I gave notice to my current employer and although they were extremely disappointed, they wished me luck.

Once I was scheduled to start the new position, I froze and was overwhelmed with anxiety. It was mostly regret for hurting employers who had been so nice to me over the years, as well as the fear of having to learn all the different systems, which felt overwhelming at the time.

I told the new company that I had to postpone this new start date for a few months (which was fine with them) and told my current employers that I would stay while I considered.

They were delighted and did everything to improve my work. I’m more than grateful to both companies for handling this so well, and I’m glad I don’t have to choose until I’m ready.

I am now overwhelmed with shame, embarrassment and just feel like a dope.

Eventually, I will want to try this new position, but I’m afraid that when I’m ready, it will be even more difficult to leave the Old Company since they are now doing everything to make me happy!

I dug an even deeper hole. If I had just left when I got the offer, it would be fine now.

I feel so stupid for not seizing a great opportunity and at the same time I want to be fair to both of them, but I don’t know how to take the step later when I’m going through such a difficult time now?

Mortified: If New Company had refused your request to delay your departure time, you would have made up your mind and you would have now adapted to all the frightening changes.

The generous options that these companies have allowed you to pursue seem to have paralyzed you.

Now you have to make a decision. I can’t tell you what decision to make, but you have to make one. The longer you delay, the more you will feel like a drug.

If you leave, you may regret it. If you stay, you might also have regrets.

It’s normal to stumble a little. It’s okay to seize an opportunity, but then change your mind. But you turned what should be a transactional experience into an emotionally charged one.

Decide what is best for you – not these two employers. And make your choice, inform them and commit to the choice you have made. If you end up refusing to move to New Company, sincerely thank them for their patience and tell them that Old Company has made staying where you are the best choice for you.

dear Amy: I have a brother and a sister-in-law who just don’t understand.

They endlessly brag about their two bright, beautiful and talented granddaughters.

That alone would be boring, but at the same time they criticize my grandchildren, who are, of course, bright, gorgeous, and talented.

The last time we spoke, my sister-in-law actually said her granddaughter was a genius. I could only tell that it was pronounced like a real grandma.

But she said no – it was true.

I am lucky to have many friends who have grandchildren. Sometimes we tell a story about them that makes us proud, but we don’t brag or boast.

Am I just lucky or is bragging the norm?

Anonymous: Some people seem to relate to others only by asserting their superiority. The ubiquity of social media – where people inflate their triumphs and sometimes exaggerate their tragedies – has also inflated this trend.

So yes, bragging has become the norm.

The good news is that it makes us “normies” all the more special!

My daughter once wrote an impassioned essay defending being “average,” and I’ve never been prouder (but now I’m bragging!).

Your brother and SIL may brag about their greats, but they may not criticize yours. You should nip that in the bud.

dear Amy: You gave a helpful answer to “Buriedwho was trying to cope with a paper-hoarding spouse.

Creating online accounts will help reduce paper. They should also invest in a scanner. Scanned documents can virtually stack and won’t contribute to paper clutter.

digitized: Excellent suggestion. Thanks.

©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency

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