Am I justified in this view, or am I way off base?
Emotionally, your reaction is understandable. You feel like texters gave you homework, while your reaction to messagers is enhanced by regret that you weren’t available when they wanted to talk to you.
Miss Manners says this as a gentle preface to point out that, for the reasons you gave, the text is less intrusive – and therefore more respectful – than barging into someone’s house, assuming constant availability.
Dear Miss Manners: I have two young children. For their birthdays and Christmas for the past few years, my sister-in-law has given my children used/oversized toys and clothes from her daughter, who is older than my children.
She is not suffering financially. Is it OK to give second-hand items as gifts?
Strictly speaking, the hand-duvets are gifts, although it is expected that they will be passed on to the cousins on the other side after use, washing and folding.
But what level of donation? Miss Manners acknowledges that she is unusual in valuing a gift by the thought and effort of the giver, not by its resale value. But by either standard, gifts aren’t usually as meaningful a gift as one might expect for a birthday or holiday.
Dear Miss Manners: My husband and I were waiting in an airport lounge before an early morning flight. It was a quiet crowd. A man in his 40s answered a call from his lawyer on his mobile phone, then ranted and raved about his ex-wife and their custody battle.
Five of us around him got up and moved after 10 minutes. My husband stayed a few more minutes and politely told the gentleman that taking a private call was breaking everyone’s calm, and maybe next time he could take the call from others. The man laughed at my husband and continued the call.
What else could we have done?
Stronger measures are necessary when communicating with someone who has just learned that the ex-wife is asking for the sports car in addition to the children: “Sir, excuse me for interrupting you, but perhaps you don’t want everything everyone in the living room hears that you’re hiding money in your Aruba account.
Miss Manners borrows the Caribbean island for an example, not a metaphor: the effect you’re looking for is fear, so you’ll want to include something you’ve actually heard.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday at washingtonpost.com/board. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
