Ravioli is gentle and friendly and likes to sit on your lap, but if you say “down” to him (I clicker trained him!) or nudge him, he will go right away. But Tom objects to the cat being near him in common areas: he wants it to go away while it’s just curled up on the other side of the sofa or on a kitchen chair. When I’m there, I say leave him alone because he doesn’t bother anyone. But I guess when I go out, Tom takes him out of his favorite lounge spots for no reason.
Last week, Tom pushed Ravioli off the couch, but Rav came back when Tom went to the kitchen. This time Tom splashed her with water from his glass. I said, “What’s wrong with you?” Don’t ever do that again! and Tom was on the defensive. Sara was supportive but later said that Tom’s comments and moving the dumplings weren’t a big deal because they didn’t bother the cat.
They’ve been at his house instead of ours since this happened, which I appreciate, but Sara said they’ll be back. I feel like I’m going to turn on Tom if he talks to my cat again.
Keeping Rav locked up with his food and litter box in my room while Tom is at our house seems unfair. How do I proceed ? The lease ends in September.
Sacred ravioli: By my calculations, Ravioli is the second guardian angel cat to appear in this column. That is, if Sara leaves him alone.
Anyone who watches too much television knows that animal cruelty appears very early in serial killer stories, foreshadowing an excess of hostility and a deficit of empathy.
But when the cruelty is on the less extreme end of the scale – spraying a cat, for example – I don’t think the connection comes as easily to mind.
I completely agree with you that not liking cats, cat hair, and litter boxes is okay, all of that. (I’m not a fan myself.) But look at what hero Ravioli exposed: how Tom actions about his dislike. Contempt, whining, total contempt for his girlfriend’s house which is more Ravioli’s than his. Disrespect for your supremacy in your own space. And above all the jets of water, an escalation on the scale of mistreatment and violence towards animals.
It could have been “harmless” in the sense of hurtful, yes – but how can Sara not see Tom’s reaction as an openness to physically lash out in anger? Against a relatively defenseless creature that did him no harm?
I’m not saying Tom is a serial killer in training. But people can do a lot of damage with behaviors well below the threshold for a Netflix limited series. They can bring a ton of misery to their partners and others, at least until they grow up or get help. It plays on a loop right under your nose, that Tom is heavy on hostility and light on empathy.
Anyone who thinks these concerns will go away when the cat disappears hasn’t been paying close attention to current events for a very long time. How does Sara think Tom will behave towards her when one of her quirks starts to bother him? (Because every couple ends up causing trouble, if they don’t break up first.)
I realize I haven’t even begun to address the roommate and lease issue. But all that context is why you tell Sara that you’re not comfortable leaving Tom alone with the cat and that you’re willing to discuss what that means between now and September, because it doesn’t won’t wait.
And that’s why I think that even though Sara is more roommate than friend, it’s still a kindness to hire her on the bigger 911. Maybe:
“Does Tom act in traffic too?” Or when someone misses their order?
“Attacking a defenseless animal, doesn’t that alarm you? This concerns me.
“Reactivity, “punching,” defensiveness, complete disregard for other people’s homes – be careful with this one. »
Or a more measured speech: “It’s your life, your boyfriend, but it’s my cat and my old refuge, and my alarms are screaming. »
I spend a lot of time not crossing the boundaries of other people’s affairs. But when someone else crosses a line, as Tom blatantly continues to do, it’s time to intervene.
