My brother mentioned several times that his son and his family were coming to Paris “especially to see the uncle from America.” So, in light of these repeated comments, do you think it would be necessary or rather fair for me to pay the hotel bill for my nephew and my family during their week-long visit to Paris? And yes, I can afford to pay, but do I need to?
Dan: Thank you for asking a question that will be met with a universal sigh: “What a great problem to have.” »
Your nephew and his family are traveling for a family reunion, which will include his father (the children’s grandparent). Presumably, these family members have spent time together before. I gather from this that your nephew and his wife have not spent much time (if at all) with you and that their children may have never met you. You can imagine their excitement and curiosity about meeting their American uncle. Your brother conveys this family’s enthusiasm, without asking you to pay his bill or implying that you should.
I don’t read anything in your story that should lead you down that path, but if they are in need or you want to be generous in that way, then paying their hotel bill would be a very kind thing to do. Otherwise, I hope you’ll bring some small gifts from Los Angeles, maybe take them to lunch or to a museum in Paris, and – if you all agree – you can invite them to visit you at your place and pay the bill. when you do it.
Dear Amy: I’m a single, middle-aged woman who recently started dating a man my age. I was married for 20 years and he never was. My two children are in college. He is a truly gentle, intelligent and respectful man. We share many common interests. He recently invited me over to his house for the first time and… it’s pretty gross. Not only messy, but very dirty and unhealthy – with food waste, dirty dishes and pans on the counters.
I don’t know what to tell him about the state of his house. I really don’t want to spend any more time there. Until then, we always went out or came to my house, which is clean and quite nice – like in a normal sense. (I’m not a neat freak or anything.) Should I tell him how I feel about his house and ask him to clean it before I come back?
Recovery : Your boyfriend invited you to his house. Presumably this visit was planned and he was doing his best. She is a mature person living in the world. He makes choices about how he lives. I’m not sure asking him to clean his house is helpful.
You need to be honest about where you choose to spend your time: “I’m not comfortable in your house; It’s too complicated for me to feel at home there. I think it’s important that you understand the reality of a future with someone who doesn’t take good care of themselves and their surroundings.
I hope you continue to enjoy his company, but don’t kid yourself into thinking that you can inspire him to live differently. You have experienced a long marriage; if you end up cohabiting, you’ll end up continually frustrated by his poor life skills.
Dear Amy: “Meditating Dad» asked about unmarried couples sleeping together during a home visit. Decades ago, when my boyfriend and I visited his parents, his mother said that even though she knew we lived and slept together, at her house we wouldn’t: “My house, my rules “.
Many years later, when they visited us, I said that I had put them in separate rooms because now it was “My house…My rules”. We all laughed about it for many years. I still miss them!
Grateful: Having a sense of humor certainly helps.
© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
