What do you think? Should I buy another gift and go to the shower? Or is it acceptable to send my regards, knowing that I will always show up with a gift when the baby is born?
Showers are giveaways. It is their only goal. But Miss Manners agrees that the second and third are excessive.
Unfortunately, if you go there, a freebie is expected. If you don’t want to be stuck shopping at a registry, witnessing endless gift openings, and playing inappropriate board games, then showing up with a gift after the baby arrives is fine. .
Either way, it looks like these parents will get their loot.
Dear Miss Manners: My husband and I enjoy the company of another couple we have known for years. I invited them to dinner several times. I only eat plant-based (vegan) foods; however, I do vegan and meat dishes for everyone. I don’t ask them to bring anything, because they are our guests.
A few years ago, we invited them to meet us for dinner at a restaurant, which we had planned to pay for. A day before the planned dinner, they called and wanted to invite us to their place rather than eat at the restaurant. I asked if I could contribute anything, and their answer was no.
When dinner was served at their house, it was a stew with several types of meat and no vegetables. Even the salad had bacon in it. The woman said, “I don’t think you eat meat, but I hope you can eat that.”
Miss Manners, they’ve known for years that I don’t eat animal products. I chose the meal as best I could without complaining. Since the pandemic, we haven’t come close to them.
What do you think of hosts who don’t offer meatless dishes to a longtime friend? As a vegan, I have always made dishes with meat for my guests.
that your friends are either thoughtless, inconsiderate or perhaps just forgetful. The latter seems unlikely after all these years, but if you can believe that’s it, the friendship could be saved – if you think it’s worth it.
Miss Manners suggests that next time you could politely say ahead of time, “Oh, I don’t remember if I told you, but I’m afraid I don’t eat meat of any kind.” I’m happy to bring something, however, if it’s hard to separate it for your other guests.” And if she serves you bacon salad again, you’ll know the trick is up.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday at washingtonpost.com/board. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
