I have no siblings, so no nieces or nephews, and I don’t have a best friend either. I have a few cousins, but all are 3,000 miles away. I have a few friends but none are really close confidants. All my friends are much more likely to plan activities with others than with me. My husband is low key and pleasant enough, but he doesn’t like it physically or in any other way – just emotionally constricted.
As friends and cousins start posting trips or just socializing with each other, I develop more and more FOMO anxiety and sadness. Not sure exactly what question I have, maybe more than one comment. Returning to “normal” life will not necessarily be a panacea for many of us.
– “Normal” is even lonelier
“Normal” is even lonelier: I think there is a question in your comment: what to do with this loneliness?
To which the answer is, as always, unsatisfying, that you either make peace with what you have or make changes to what you do.
You obviously can’t put “Get a best friend” on your to-do list, but you can change the way you flow among others. You can overcome your doubts and turn to these friends. You can put common, goal-based new things on your calendar and work your way to emotional rewards no matter who you meet.
Again, you can’t completely control the connections you make because they are 50% dependent on the other person, but you can use the 50% you control to feel useful, present, open, vital. As long as the ways you use your time are productive or rewarding, you will need less of the people you produce or reward. with.
Better relationships are often a byproduct of cultivating a goal, but they’re not guaranteed and, again, not (as) necessary if you’re actively nurturing your material craving.
Re: Loneliness: This advice seems really useful.
Anonymous: I agree, thanks, this is such a useful way to frame the login mechanics. And I particularly appreciate the way he explained his qualifications to give this advice.
Re: Loneliness: Have you thought about being the one to make a plan and invite the others? Maybe being a little more proactive will help them remember that you, too, want to have fun. As an introvert, I know it’s not that easy. But give yourself time to think. “I really want to do X, and these are the people I want to do it with.” Then make plans to do so.
Introverted Companion: Ok thank you. And don’t give up if you’re turned down the first time. People are actually busy on any given day, so models are much more informative.
