Lately, I’ve been finding myself having fantasies about us becoming “friends with benefits,” and he’s made a few comments that lead me to believe he might feel the same way.
I’m uncomfortable with these feelings, but I seem powerless to stop. I’ve never done anything like this in my life and I really don’t want to do it now.
How should I handle this extremely uncomfortable situation?
older woman: Fifteen years ago, I called a guy I was in high school with to renovate my house. He renovated my life, instead.
What I mean is that it’s possible to meet “Mr. Exact” – or “Mr. Right Now” – in your own living room.
If you really don’t want to get involved with this man, then you should limit your time with him, get him to complete contract work, pay him, send him on his way, and get on with living your life – just as it is. .
However, life is short. Hot sex is awesome.
Understand that there are conditions for being and staying safe. Do what you can to find out more about this man beyond his Yelp reviews, and if you do decide to go, use a condom.
No change in your circumstances is guaranteed to be seamless, happy, or easy.
Any involvement with him would lead to questions, uncertainty and most likely uncomfortable upset for you. But – I repeat – a sexual awakening is life-affirming and beautiful.
Even the emotional pain that might accompany the possible outcome of the “friends with benefits” scenario can be worth it, because reconnecting with your sensual side will remind you to love yourself, to live fully in your own body, and that it’s okay to be bold and sometimes wild.
Emma Thompson’s film “Good Luck to You, Leo Grande” (now streaming on Hulu) might inspire you.
dear Amy: “try to be accommodatingdescribed their discomfort while hiking with friends who “dragged” their very young children (2 and 4) on an eight-hour hike in the heat and over rough terrain. The kids did most of the walking themselves and “cried the whole time.”
I was taken on a backpack when I was 3 years old. I learned to ski when I was 2 years old. When I inevitably fell behind, my parents said they wanted me to learn independence and endurance and would “just keep going.”
By the time I was 14, I had been left on the Knife Edge of Mount Katahdin in Maine, rescued by Snow Patrol in Italy, and found by strangers who CARRY me ON THEIR SHOULDERS up Mt. Washington – to name just three episodes.
This behavior is traumatic for these children, and if they are constantly pushed beyond their limits in this way, it will only get worse.
It’s one thing to “not spoil” or “not give in” to a child.
It is quite another to ignore real distress.
JA: Some readers have responded that the parenting behavior described in the “Trying to be accommodating” question amounts to abuse, and I agree.
In my response, I suggested ways to “Try” to respond to parents, urging them to reduce the length and challenge of this year’s annual hike, but I didn’t focus on troubling parenting choices, and I should have.
Thank you for your reply. Mount Katahdin is described as a “very strenuous” hike of eight to 12 hours. I could barely bear to even watch a video of a hiker on the mountain’s famous Knife Edge (described as “deadly”); I can’t imagine being left alone there.
Thank goodness for the kindness of strangers, as well as the professional rescue teams who risk their own safety to help those stranded or left behind.
You speak like a true survivor.
dear Amy: “annoyed little sisterwas embarrassed by her brother’s incessant boasting. During their childhood, their mother had always put them in competition, with the brother at the bottom.
It looks like my childhood. Blatant parental favoritism harms sibling relationships throughout life. I’ve found ways to rise above that, but the sadness remains.
Bored: Parents write the script and siblings spend the rest of their lives reciting it.
©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency
