What can I say when someone shares that they are sick (not deathly ill), had a breakup, or just had a generally rough day?
You don’t apologize when you say you’re sorry that your friend is in a terrible state, that you feel sorry for the things he said during the breakup. You express your distress that he is in a pitiful situation – which he might not be if he had not behaved so regrettably that no amount of apology will repair the damage.
Dear Miss Manners: I’m new to an organization and met one of the members for an event. She took my arm and led me from table to table, introducing me to about 25 people. This wasn’t much help as I could never remember all the names, but I think it was well intentioned.
Later, she apparently didn’t like the topic covered by our part of the group; I think she’s hard of hearing and didn’t realize how loudly she was saying, “This is SO annoying” and things like that. I suggested we leave, and we did. Since then, I have received unwelcome looks from those who were there and saw us. How should I have handled being taken from table to table? How should I deal with cold reactions from people I meet in the future?
It will depend about how you can disassociate yourself from this person in a convincing and charming way. Reintroducing yourself by saying, “I just met Miss Jenna last time and she obviously wanted to introduce me” will be more believable if Jenna is not your sister, godmother, or escort home.
Dear Miss Manners: I was quite disturbed to receive a birthday card that had clearly been sent to my friend and then repurposed and sent to me. The card had a large plain white label stuck over the original sender’s signature, which obviously could not be completely erased, and was then signed again. I understand the need to recycle and be environmentally conscious, but this nevertheless seems like a violation of basic etiquette.
Even though I’m grateful that the friend sent me birthday wishes, am I wrong to be insulted that I don’t deserve a card that was carefully selected for me and went unused?
But did she spell your name, right? It seems to Miss Manners that your friend has already lost the pretense of showing enormous interest when she abandoned a real letter in favor of a pre-printed card. The rest is just a matter of degree.
She therefore does not agree with you going so far as to be insulted – only measured by your gratitude.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
