I also feel disgusted checking his phone because it seems invasive, but on the other hand I want to know if he’s still lying to me. What should I do?
Trust issues: He lied to you. You don’t trust him. These are the facts.
Telephone checks have never been and never will be the solution to these problems.
Let’s say you check his phone every day for the next 10 years. You don’t find anything. Will you trust him again? When? After the first month of finding nothing? Year 3? Year 9, but only if he likes to remember your birthday?
You are prey to doubt and suspense. It’s not any kind of life. And, again, no amount of phone checking will solve the problem.
Only two things will do it: 1. Trust the people in your life. 2. Have the confidence to handle the situation if someone breaks that trust.
Determine if and how you can get to this point, with or without this known liar, and proceed accordingly.
To: Trust Issues: Many people talk to their exes, and the partners are aware of this and do not object. If you tried to impose a rule: “You will not talk to exes” and he got around it by lying, then that calls for some introspection. I’m not saying lying is okay, but a ban on exes suggests insecurity on your part that needs to be addressed, as well as trust.
Anonymous: It’s just a point; the letter writer may have been under pressure to lie. However, the only correct response to such pressure is to refuse to comply, even if it means breaking up.
Dear Carolyne: My girlfriend and I watch a lot of TV together to relax after a stressful job and try to get ahead in our 20s. This is the only reason we fight. We belong to the same gym, ride bikes together, and even play games together casually. But with television, it wants to stop me from having fun and being myself.
Most shows are stupid, and we all know that, so I like making jokes. She hates it and says I ruin the shows for her.
I can’t watch TV without doing this; It’s not natural for me, but she doesn’t care. She doesn’t see that she’s ruining the situation for me by expecting me to sit there like a mannequin and watch in silence. Other girls I dated liked it and laughed with me. I miss that.
It’s not something I want to break up with. Is there a compromise here?
I want to be me: You do something she hates, you justify it, you pit her against “other girls” and you ask her for permission to prevent her from being herself. Is this how you treat everyone you care about?
And you “can’t…not do that”? Maybe get that checked out.
Either compress it, watch TV separately, or compromise: compress it for its shows and talk about yours. You choose these shows together. You try.
You can’t decide what “we all know” and then use that to insult him. Hello, according to your definition, She watches television “like an idiot”.
She has the right to hear the dialogue; you have the right to have opinions. So be respectful and understand it.
