One of the reasons I’m trying to make this change is that a few times in my previous job (which I left in good standing), I called in sick even though I wasn’t.
I understand common courtesies (don’t post what you’re actually doing on social media, contact your boss ahead of time), but I’m curious if there’s a significant distinction between “I’m really sick and I’ll be out for a week” and “I’m calling in sick because it’s my nephew’s birthday. Or is there something important about that that I missed?
You seem to have missed the fact that it’s dishonest to use sick leave to go to your nephew’s birthday party. And if you only get paid for the hours you actually work, that’s unnecessarily sneaky.
That said, Miss Manners agrees it’s better – and safer – not to provide excuses. You just have to say that unfortunately you have a conflicting date at this time, which you do.
Dear Miss Manners: What is the best way to respond to people who make fun of my last name?
Yes, I am really Mrs. Manners. When I show up, I often get the response, “Are you writing a column?” or, “You must be really nice!”
Honestly, I’ve espoused the name, but I’ve always been interested in fostering common courtesy. I’m interviewing for new positions, and I don’t want to make other people feel uncomfortable. But after more than 25 years of hearing that “joke,” my inner voice wants to say, “Damn, that’s funny. I’ve never heard that one before!
I know there has to be a more genteel response that invites them into conversation, rather than insulting them or perpetuating the joke about a name I’m proud to share with many generations of my family.
Oh dear. Miss Manners is sorry you have to put up with this.
You can be sure she’s heard – countless times – every possible attempt to make a joke out of it. But we are not the only ones to be the subject of such blatant remarks.
A high school math teacher told Miss Manners that social acquaintances often greeted her with “I hated math”. A police officer said he couldn’t go to parties without someone saying, “Come on, the cops are here!” And there’s not a lawyer joke that every lawyer hasn’t heard.
The goal is to change the subject immediately. Miss Manners recommends a faint smile (mouth straightens but eyes remain fixed) followed by “But tell me about yourself”.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday at washingtonpost.com/board. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
