Like many people, Joscelyn Guzman knew what it was like to be depressed. For much of her life, she had shown compassion and empathy whenever she spoke about her struggles with depression – that is, until she suffered a bipolar manic episode. .
For a month, Guzman was overcome by uncontrollable euphoria. She channeled her energy into impulsive hobbies and couldn’t sleep or eat for days. If she wanted a t-shirt, she ended up spending hundreds of dollars on a shopping spree. If she wanted to make a YouTube video, she would record hours of footage in the middle of the night.
In one of the worst moments of her manic episode, Guzman convinced herself that her confidence was superhuman. That her lack of sleep or food made her immortal.
She believed she was God.
“I haven’t shared that much,” says Guzman, 26. “People would probably look down on me for saying that, but in my mind, I really couldn’t control it.”
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But one day his high was replaced by a new wave of paranoia, depression and suicidal thoughts. — a depression so sudden and overwhelming that it prompted a visit to the hospital. And soon after, Guzman was officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Specifically, bipolar I, which causes manic episodes that last at least 7 days and depressive episodes that last at least two weeks, according to the National Institute of Mental Health.
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It is a complex and poorly understood diagnosis that, despite growing awareness, is still stigmatized.
The pandemic has accelerated a positive movement toward prioritizing mental health, but experts and those who have dealt with more serious mental health issues, like mania, say empathy and understanding don’t always extend to conditions like bipolar disorder.
“I think everyone who reads this story will have mental health issues,” says Patrick Corrigan, professor of psychology at the Illinois Institute of Technology. “Everyone knows what it means to be depressed or (to have) anxiety, but the fundamental element of stigma is difference. Although one can be depressed once in a while or a little euphoric once in a most people don’t know what it’s like to be in the throes of a manic episode.”
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What is bipolar disorder? Manic episodes, explained.
Like depression, bipolar disorder is a mood disorder characterized by changes in energy, activity, and concentration. The difference, however, is that people with bipolar disorder experience alternating periods of depression and mania.
A manic episode usually lasts from a few weeks to a few months, depending onKay Redfield Jamison, professor of psychiatry at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine. Common signs may include “extreme irritability and paranoia, grandiosity and euphoria, change in thinking (and) speaking a lot, very quickly”.
“People become very social and disruptive. People sleep a lot less, are a lot more active in general. It’s a very high energy state.” Jamison, who specializes in mood disorders, also has first-hand experience with bipolar disorder, writing about it in her book, “An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness.”
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In some cases, manic episodes can also include elements of psychosis, such as delusions, which Corrigan says are false and grandiose beliefs (“like ‘I’m a man on the moon'”) as well as visual hallucinations or auditory.
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At first, no one helped Guzman during his month-long manic episode. It wasn’t because they didn’t care. It’s because they didn’t know.
On the outside his energy seemed unusual but not frowning. Her friends and family failed to recognize that she was plagued by powerful delusions while getting little to no sleep each night.
But that nuance, experts warn, is part of the complexity of bipolar disorder.
Often, the media portrays mania (or even “maniacs”) in an extreme way. Characters with psychosis, like DC Comic’s Harley Quinn, are often stereotyped with “crazy behavior. Hearing things, seeing things, talking to each other, and making no sense,” Corrigan says.
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The reality is that mania can manifest itself in subtle, positive ways at first, making it harder to spot. Singer Bebe Rexha said in a tweet announcing her diagnosis that the “highs” initially contributed to her strong work ethic. And Kanye West, who rapped about his bipolar disorder, is often glamorized by some fans.
“Sometimes mania seems positive, but I know it can get really dark. That’s why it’s important not to make it look like this amazing thing, because it’s not: c It’s your mind that’s not well, and the real consequence is death,” Guzman says.
Jamison adds: “It’s a very interesting disease and certainly associated with creativity, which risks romanticizing a very life-threatening disease.” The suicide rate in people with bipolar disorder is about 10 to 30 times higher than the general population, according to research, with 20 to 60% of them have attempted suicide at least once in their lives.
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In recent years, more and more people have raised awareness of the importance of destigmatizing bipolar disorder, including celebrities.
In 2018, Mariah Carey revealed her bipolar diagnosis, encouraging others to seek treatment after “the most difficult two years I’ve been through”. Selena Gomez shared her personal experiences in a bid to shake off the shame often associated with it, and West challenged the “crazy” label that is often applied to mental illness. Even Halsey, also diagnosed with bipolar disorder, responded to West’s lack of compassion during his public struggle with mental health.
“I am so disturbed by what I see” Halsey tweeted. “A manic episode is no joke. If you can’t offer understanding or sympathy, offer your silence.”
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Open, non-judgmental conversations about mental health that move beyond sadness and anxiety are the first step to de-stigmatization and compassion.
“Educate yourself about mania. Educate yourself about your condition. Educate yourself about treatments. Always ask questions,” Jamison says.
Beyond raising awareness, however, Corrigan stresses the importance of learning about these diagnoses by listening to people’s real-life experiences. This is what inspired Guzman to share his story with us.
“There’s so much stigma around mental illness in general and bipolar disorder especially,” she says. “But I’m going to keep talking about being diagnosed as bipolar. I’m going to talk about being in therapy. I’m going to talk about mental illness,”
If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis, call 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline which provides confidential assistance 24/7 by dialing 9-8-8.