Interrupted: A few options:
1. For interrupts: [Whoa gesture] “Wait, I wasn’t done.”
2. Let them finish their interruption, then say, “I was talking. Can I finish?
3. [Whoa gesture] “I’m sorry, I can’t follow. You speak too fast for me.
4. Stay silent until the person notices. When you see your moment to get into the conversation, don’t take it. If he asks you why you’re quiet, say, “I can’t follow” or, “You were driving, so I let you go. If they never ask or even notice, then pretend you’re at story time and enjoy the rest.
Each option is the most effective without hard feelings. These are people you appreciate and want in your life. You’re trying to fix it, not blow it up.
Silent assertiveness is difficult and seems awkward until you get used to it. And that may seem weaker than pushing yourself into the dynamic with force, but surprisingly it’s stronger to maintain your own tone and rhythm under pressure.
Last thing: Be realistic about your relationships with your switches. If you are connected for the quality of their company, it may be time to rethink. But if you’re there for more transactional reasons – it’s a mentor, an older relative, a cooperative neighbor, etc. – then you can decide from the start to tolerate, forgive, ignore or cancel more of their bad habits than you otherwise could, because you’re not there for the easy report.
- I have a parent who often interrupts me. For a few years, I’ve been like, “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt you. It’s always met with silence, every time, and then they say, “No, carry on.” Win-win.
- My mother-in-law is a constant troublemaker. My mother just continues to tell her story or finish her thought, only stopping once she’s finished. After a few words, my mother-in-law stops her interruption and seems to realize her mistake.
- People with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder often interrupt because we’re trying to show we’re paying attention by intervening with “Me too!” example, then sometimes we get carried away and cannot be silent. We may also be so afraid of forgetting what we want to say that we have to say it right away or it will be gone forever.
- For anyone upset about the “switches,” be sure to give people a chance to speak. I find that a lot of people who don’t like to be interrupted are people who won’t let others talk on the edge. If a “switch” is your friend, really your friend, have some compassion for their conversational style.
- I am distressed by it. I will not make excuses for this. I know it’s wrong, and I wish I didn’t. I’m working on it. I practiced counting to three when I think someone is done talking to make sure I don’t cut them off. My plea: please don’t assume malice. Many of us are excited or passionate or maybe struggling with social anxiety.
