Parent: I’m 100% in favor of the “let her stay at home and do nothing” principle, with one caveat: it’s nothing from the 1970s, it’s nothing from today. In other words, no screens all day, unless it’s a 12-inch black and white TV with rabbit ears.
In the 70s, nothing was boredom, which children had to learn to alleviate by reading, exploring, interacting, developing hobbies, or draping themselves with their thoughts on checkered furniture and sighing . Nothing is addictive entertainment these days.
Your daughter could be a normal teenager who pushes her parents away or has serious emotional problems because of the same information.
Your (very difficult) job is to read his reluctance for signs of normalcy or urgency. Normal means, “Okay, no art class, but no YouTube all day either.” What will it be? She might go to camp or class, do odd jobs around the house, take up a hobby, babysit, or drape. (With a YouTube allowance, if you like.)
Urgency means intervention, based on other symptoms. Watch for over- or under-sleeping, over- or under-eating, extreme moods, no interests, no friends or troubling friends. Start by asking your pediatrician for help.
Find ways to be together and outside too. If it’s fun, it will work, like “On Golden Pond” (1981).
Caroline: I hated it when my parents suggested extracurricular activities. I was a talentless kid, and doing this stuff just reminded me of that. We don’t want to admit it, but a talent or skill dictates a child’s worth. Maybe your daughter doesn’t want to be reminded that she has no value in the public eye. And please spare us the “hidden talent” bullshit. There are no Olympic medals for hidden talents.
Anonymous: A jeremiad for our era of child education.
Thoughts from other readers:
· Strongly recommends a daily limit on screen time. It’s well known that being in front of a screen all day is bad news, and not just for children. This is the epidemic of our time.
· Your answer made me laugh. When I was that age and didn’t want to do anything, I ended up watching the Senate Watergate hearings on TV with rabbit ears. I became captivated by the whole story, like a real soap opera. It made me a political junkie and an activist.
· My daughter is 14, it’s the same. I decided this was one of the last years she would have a truly unplanned summer, and I would let her enjoy it. Soon, she will have to face academic and professional pressure. The rat race will always be there. Eight weeks without anything is a unique gift.
· We had an antenna on the roof, but that still meant all three networks and a PBS station. I remember reading a lot. And my mother would tell me to go out and play. But I also went to camp, family trips, ice skating, and swimming lessons.
· This spring, I had to take time off work due to burnout. What I really needed was permission to REST rather than get angry to get things done. There is no shame in be rather than doing it all the time. (Okay about limiting screen time, though.)
· Some of us just don’t like to “do things” very often, especially when we’re supposed to take a break.
