When he travels, I can’t work out, which makes me SO happy; I have no assistance with anything, whether it’s taking a break, being late, or socializing with my friends; the house becomes a little unmanageable; and, yes, the children and I miss him very much. The whole ambiance of the house is extinguished.
I understand that all spouses in all marriages are doing great, but that doesn’t make ME happy. At all. Everything about me gets worse: food intake, insomnia, mood swings, stress, etc.
Do I have the right to tell him not to travel so much? Most of my friends (moms) in the same field don’t travel remotely as much. Hell, I’m in the same field and I don’t work after 4:15 p.m. because someone has to be home with the kids after school. Can either spouse say, “No, you can’t do that for your career”?
Exhausted: “All spouses in all marriages” is irrelevant.
Your marriage is: Why is all this saying-“No, you don’t”? Did you (or he) skip the part where you started a conversation? : “I’m getting lost here, the extra travel is overwhelming me, so I’d like us to seriously talk about other possibilities. »
If you haven’t said it that way yet, do it right away. Inviting your partner to be part of the solution is much better, much happier and more effective for the marriage, than saying, “Do this.”
If you’ve ever tried this and he didn’t take you seriously, then here’s your introduction: “I’ve made it very clear to you that I’m not doing well with this arrangement, and you haven’t told me taken seriously. So now, in addition to feeling overwhelmed, I feel rejected. Please take this seriously – I’m starting to get scared with how tired and frustrated I am, and since this is your home and family too, you have your place in the discussion about this which must change.
I’m not sure how much of this depends on your husband, unless you find a new job – which is also possible, but also a bigger ask with a longer lead time and steeper learning curve, as well as a bunch of other unknowns. . So you may need a temporary solution while you work to find lasting solutions.
In fact, stopgap solutions could result in a more viable household: hiring a housekeeper, delegating more responsibilities to them on weekends, carpooling, and setting dedicated workout schedules (because you hired/delegated/carpooled to have more free time). their combination may be enough to restore a certain balance. But it won’t happen if you don’t start together.
As always, if he resists even this conversation, then your stress has a marital source bigger than his travel schedule and probably belongs in a couples therapist’s office. But let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.
