If I were to take Taylor Swift’s “Fortnight” challenge and create an online post showing two weeks of relevant music videos about my life, I would run the risk of it being dominated by moments of me sitting in waiting rooms of doctors’ offices.
“Oh look, there he is showing his insurance cards!”
How exciting.
Or, my moments of mention might include picking up twigs from the lawn or washing the exterior of windows that haven’t been cleaned since the start of the winter season. Maybe one moment during my two weeks would show me grocery shopping, standing by the freezer section, looking thoughtful, holding different brands of thin crust “supreme” pizzas in each hand, trying to decide if I should buy Red Baron or Red Baron. Newman’s own.
Are my ordinary activities as an old person difficult enough?
If so, I can post a few clever seconds of me stupidly trying to carry two chairs instead of one up the steps to the patio from the garage, getting ready for barbecue season.
Viewers would likely be captivated by my attempt to save time, perhaps without even considering that at my age, on a Saturday, I have more than enough time to take two trips.
Gary Brown: I was so close to being a major league player
It could take me a fortnight to transport chairs – one chair per day – and I would still have plenty of time to remove the small tables between them.
Live the quiet life
In case you’re one of the few people who haven’t been told by the media, a child or a grandchild, Taylor Swift released her highly anticipated new album “The Tortured Poet Department” earlier this month- Here and the singer’s fans began taking on the “Fortnight” challenge that the Grammy winner referenced in a social media post.
Since “Fortnight” was the album’s first single and a fortnight lasts 14 days, Swift asked fans to post 14 special moments from their lives.
I didn’t realize how mundane life was for me and my significant other until I tried to decide which moments I could celebrate if I accepted the “Fortnight” challenge. Fourteen is a lot of activities that I would consider special.
Taylor Swift gets a kiss on the cheek from professional football player Travis Kelce and my sweetheart gets her face splashed with water while we wash our cars because I’m not smart enough to watch if she cleans a fender on the other side of the hood.
Maybe it will look more romantic in a music video than in real life. I remember she didn’t think it professed much love at the time.
The problem is that we simply don’t live the life of a professional athlete or a pop singer. That’s not a bad thing. It’s just an uninteresting thing for other people to watch. Would you like to see my loved one weeding her garden or me loading the SUV with bags full of our trash?
Is yard work and trash removal somehow satisfying or just an embarrassing illustration of the tedious level to which our ordinary daily lives have fallen?
I had no idea the “Fortnight” challenge would turn out to be so depressing when I first considered doing it. The music sounded pretty good.
Create my own music
Maybe my “Fortnight Challenge” post needs some music. I could use Taylor Swift’s music from her album – “Fortnight” itself – or assign my own songs to serve as background music for my montage of moments.
For the moment where I am seen in a video clip falling asleep watching a Guardians-Yankees game – more like an hour of total nap – with my mouth so wide open while snoring that I could catch a foul ball in it, I could use the old standard “Take me to the ball game.”
The clip of me eating dry cereal from a bowl in the morning while doing an online word puzzle on my phone with my loved one might be accompanied by the shout: “Alexa, play cereal commercial jingles!”
I could use “9 to 5” for a video of me working outside in the yard, although it seems like an unnecessary song since no one will be able to hear it because of the noise of the lawn mower, leaf blower and hedge trimmer.
And if I sit in the evening in a comfortable armchair on the terrace, drinking iced tea and nibbling chips, watching birds and squirrels and thinking, well, nothing in particular, “Sitting on the quay of the bay” d ‘Otis Redding’ comes to mind.
I have other times available to use in my “Fortnight” challenge post. Vacuuming is a good thing, because my significant other tells me that I don’t do it often enough and that she would probably be eager to have a photo of it for posterity.
Writing checks to pay bills seems like another worthy activity in my daily life. I’m pretty sure my creditors would be happy to see me with a checkbook in my hand.
And then there’s my late night book reading in bed. My “Fortnight” challenge video may look like I’m falling asleep, but in reality I’m just resting my eyes.
Contact Gary at [email protected]. On Twitter: @gbrownREP.
This article was originally published on The Alliance Review: My Taylor Swift “Fortnight” Challenge? A lesson in boredom
