They are like roommates who sometimes have sex, but there is no affection. He told me she had several mental health issues and was also an alcoholic. I felt like we were both giving each other what we both lacked. Love. Connection. Excitement. He said he wanted to marry me.
Later, my parents found out. Even though I’m 25, I still live at home. My father lost it and called him and his wife. He told her everything. She then called me. It has become very complicated. I also found out (from her) that he hadn’t necessarily been telling the truth about her. We said we would take a break because there is too much drama.
I am truly heartbroken by the way things turned out and by my parents interfering in my life the way they did. I wanted more time with him. I’m sorry his wife found out, because I didn’t want her to get hurt. I’m not a bad person, I never sought an affair, but I learned to love this man. I’m sorry this discovery hurt his wife. I don’t know what to do in the future. I just feel like I can’t let him go.
Sad: I guess the idea that you have “daddy issues” has already crossed your mind; If not, think about it now. You have two older men who control you, disrespect you and betray you.
You seem to be something of a spectator in your own life, but regarding your choices, here’s a note: people get hurt, even if you don’t mean to hurt them. (Your affair would have hurt this man’s wife, even if she hadn’t found out.)
It is really painful and heartbreaking to end your first serious relationship. I can only imagine how you might feel about your father’s choice to turn you in and intervene like he did. I think a first step for you should be to move away from your father’s orbit, at least for now. Perhaps you could stay with a supportive friend or family member while you look for other accommodation.
It’s important now to approach your own future one day at a time, so you don’t get overwhelmed. Distance yourself from your partner and try to accept this as a painful lesson of adulthood. Therapy would help you put these events into perspective.
Dear Amy: My husband and I are atheists. We receive pushback from our family members because we decided not to celebrate Christmas. We have a young child who seemed a little confused as to why Santa wasn’t going to visit our house, but we don’t want to spread religious messages in our household. We would like a second (actually a sixth or seventh) opinion.
Parents: For many people, Christmas is more of a commercial holiday than a religious one. If you wanted to, it would be possible to do the whole Christmas shebang without ever delving into any Christian thoughts or beliefs. (Yes, most of us know that Saint Nicholas was a Christian saint, but Santa is a jolly reindeer pilot.) And you don’t have to welcome Santa into your home to enjoy your own traditions at Christmas, more winter-based. solstice as the birth of Jesus. You can search for winter celebrations around the world and design your own.
Bringing light, laughter and the joys of baking and decorating into the home when the days are short and the nights long and dark is a great way to celebrate the passing of the seasons.
Dear Amy: I saw myself in the question of “No messy feelings”, who was so disturbed when her friend stepped in to offer solutions to her problems. I’m that person who tends to come up with a lot of solutions. It got me thinking about how it might feel to be peppered with “answers” when you haven’t asked any questions. I will try to be a more active listener and a less active speaker.
Grateful: This is a useful idea for everyone.
© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
