Recently, however, I received emails from my supervisor telling me about little things I did wrong during my shift. It could be wrong documents or leaving papers on my bench when I leave for the day. These things don’t happen often, but absolutely every time I get an email.
It really hurts me to be picky like that, especially when others aren’t.
I know I can’t control what happens to others or how my supervisor chooses to handle my mistakes, but I’d rather manage my reaction. The slightest criticism sends me into a spiral of doubt and overwhelming sadness.
I get paranoid about being laid off, which sends me into another spiral of financial stability. I become withdrawn. This low in my mood can last for a shift, an entire week or more.
I know my fear of being fired is completely unfounded, but I can‘I can’t help believing that it will happen. I quit several jobs because of my anxiety, only to learn that I was never in danger of losing my job and that my work was appreciated.
I have held my current position for seven years, but each new criticism brings me closer to resignation. How can I overcome this?
— I can’t handle criticism
can’t handle: You have plenty of evidence that your anxiety is a bigger issue for you than your occasional minor mistakes in the workplace.
In the short term, seek feedback from your supervisor. You might start with this statement: “I hate making mistakes, even when they are small. When I receive a notification about an error, I worry a lot about my work performance. Your supervisor will probably reassure you that these notifications are strictly for your own information, so that you can be aware.
Since your anxiety has caused you substantial discomfort and negative consequences, your longer-term goal should be to seek treatment. You should also find ways to interrupt your negative rumination cycle. Some strategies to try include breathing exercises and mindfulness techniques.
Because of how your mind amplifies your mistakes, you should also take an objective look at these corrections. Collect the data. How many have you received this week? Let’s say two. Two errors out of 50 hours of work is proportionally small.
You can also name those persistent triggers to your anxiety, helping you recognize them and then send them on their way.
I call mine “Tippy”. (I once had a very needy dog with that name.)
I’m like, “Here’s Tippy. OK. There you are. Now go get it!”
dear Amy: I have been married to my husband for several decades. We have children together.
He cheated on me with a colleague who is 20 years younger. I’m disappointed that he didn’t confess his cheating and act like nothing happened.
I would work on forgiving him if he showed any kind of remorse, and we could work it out, but he constantly hides it. It makes me want to abruptly hand over the divorce papers to him without any discussion and walk away!
I find myself locking myself away and getting further and further away from him. I no longer see a future with him. To help!
Betrayed: It’s time for you to call in the professionals. You might see a therapist to review your personal options and discuss your feelings.
You could review your legal and financial options with a lawyer.
One of the reasons for doing this is to take your thinking in a new direction – away from your husband, who refuses to communicate with you, and towards contemplating your own options with some clarity.
dear Amy: “upset motherexpressed concern that her 41-year-old daughter would not have a mammogram, even though the daughter worked in healthcare and there was a family history of cancer.
You described fear and resistance and focused on the relief people feel when a scan is clear.
What you didn’t say is that the daughter can make her own health care decisions!
Was there: Absolutely. Thanks.
©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency
