Tipping used to be easy, but that’s not the case anymore. It’s a conversation many are having.
You will remember that during the pandemic, many people have been especially generous in tipping in recognition of workers whose health was at risk in order to keep things running. This seems to have made a strong impression on their bosses: they learned that it was possible to extract more from their customers to supplement their employees’ salaries. The system already existed whereby many workers’ income depended on the whims of customers. All that remained was to expand this beyond visible customer service.
So now there are tip jars and electronic prompts everywhere. The idea that people tip to reward those who have made a special effort on their behalf is missing. Miss Manners is disgusted by this whole scheme. At the same time, it recognizes that underpaid workers depend on it. So, like you, she tips when she knows it’s the case. It is not always easy to judge; the coffee pourer might well be underpaid.
But just because you’re questioned or scowled at doesn’t mean you should support the questionable business practice of using shame to shift responsibility for providing decent wages from the company to you. Just make sure you don’t complain about the higher prices at non-tipping establishments.
Dear Miss Manners: When responding to personal compliments, a simple “Thank you” or “How nice of you to say” obviously seems appropriate. My question is about handling an indirect compliment.
My dog, an English Springer Spaniel, happens to be a particularly magnificent example of the breed. When I’m out and about with her, people often say to me some version of “You have a beautiful dog!” “I had nothing to do with her breeding and resulting appearance, and my “thank you” seems to imply that I take credit for her beauty. What would be a more appropriate response?
“Weft?” Since your dog can’t speak for himself, it’s up to you to respond with kind thanks, as you probably would if you were being complimented on something that belonged to you. If it makes you feel better, you chose it. And Miss Manners assures you that no honest person would think you have a direct genetic contribution.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
