We had already ordered and were waiting for our meal when I first noticed the guy. So I said, in a voice the customers next to me could hear, that I could see his butt – how disgusting when you’re in public. The family ignored me, so I repeated my statement, a little louder. My friends told me I just shouldn’t watch. But I’m single and always monitor my surroundings to stay safe.
Eventually the mom (I assume) came and very gently said that I should have come quietly to their table to express myself. Then she returned to their table and told him, not in a calm tone, to pull up his shorts, and he obeyed.
I don’t want to see anyone’s butt at the table. I don’t think it’s my place to say anything, but it would have been dangerous for me to not be aware of my surroundings. How would you recommend handling this situation if it happened again? It was a mood killer for me.
Yes, it is not recommended mixing unsolicited nude viewings with lunch. But Miss Manners notices that you mentioned security and monitoring your environment twice. After correctly identifying it, what exactly did you think this butt was going to do to you?
In any case, the mother was right: coming discreetly to her table would have been much more polite than making a scene. Or you could have talked to a restaurant employee about it. Because publicly announcing your discontent out loud — twice! – no one believes that you really thought that “it wasn’t your place to say anything”. You simply chose not to do so directly, which no doubt had the effect of disrupting the mood of the rest of the restaurant.
Dear Miss Manners: I am a 32 year old electrical engineer. My high school physics teacher recently passed away, and as you can imagine, he played a major role in my pursuit of a career in engineering.
I have never met his wife or children and I live abroad, which means I was unable to attend the funeral and meet them there. I would like to send them a handwritten letter, but I don’t know what to say. I think it’s partly because of him that I’m very successful in my field and have an overall happy life, but I don’t want to rejoice. Should I just tell them that he inspired me and will be missed, or should I add more?
Attribute your success this teacher’s advice is not boastful; It’s grateful and lovely. As long as you don’t turn the letter into a personal CV – or financial disclosure – and keep it focused on your mentor’s role in your thriving career, Miss Manners thinks it’s relevant and appropriate.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
