that any alternative would have been a much worse surprise. Nonetheless, Miss Manners suggests the next time you ask your baby to hold it.
Dear Miss Manners: During the particularly dark and dreary days of winter, I invited two couples to our house for an evening of chili and board games. I had planned to serve a great white chicken chili that won my company’s chili cooking contest. (I worked for a big company and there was fierce competition! That was pretty important to me at the time.)
One of the couples – husband and wife – took the time to ask me separately if I was seriously considering serving beans when they came over. I tried to explain to the woman that it was my prize pepper and that she would like it, I hope. She gave me a faded look and said, “Really? Beans?”
I served lasagna instead and swore never to invite those rude people to my house again. I think the only proper response to a dinner invitation is to graciously accept or decline. The only exception is if there is a dietary requirement that needs to be considered. Am I right or am I too sensitive?
After declaring your menu in advance, you had no obligation to change it based on your friends’ reviews. If they hadn’t wanted to eat beans, they could have refused. But Miss Manners agrees with your determination not to give them that chance.
Dear Miss Manners: My husband was out of town, so I had an extra ticket for a play. I asked a lovely elderly friend to come with me and we had a wonderful time. After the play, she bought dinner at a nice restaurant for the two of us.
Do I owe him a thank you for dinner? I haven’t gotten a word from her for the play, and I don’t want my word to go for, “Hey, where’s MY thank you?”
You can consider things even, if that is the goal. But Miss Manners urges her readers not to view a thank-you letter as transactional – or a weapon of reprimand.
You can easily write this one without it being a reprimand: “I so enjoyed going to the theater with you, and thank you for the lovely dinner that followed. Hoping we can do it again very soon.
And then either of you can issue the next invitation, out-of-town husbands notwithstanding.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday at washingtonpost.com/board. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
