Should you govern are you moving? This seems to Miss Manners a reasonable response to the fear of surprise attacks from amateur poetry. Failing that, she suggests that you plead the difficulty of appreciating the poems recited – as is also your case – and ask that they be submitted to you in writing so that you can enjoy them as you wish.
Dear Miss Manners: When all toilet stalls are in use except the wheelchair accessible stall, is it acceptable to use that one rather than wait for another to open?
Will you be ready leave the stall instantly if someone who needs it enters the bathroom? Miss Manners doubts it.
Dear Miss Manners: Are online congratulations messages replacing wedding cards? We have a large, close-knit family that comes together for every holiday and birthday. My 30 year old daughter and her boyfriend (now husband) have always attended every event. Family loves them, and vice versa.
A few years ago, after 10 years of dating, they got married in a private ceremony far from home. We planned a local reception a few weeks later and sent “save the date” cards to the whole family. Unfortunately, we had to cancel the reception due to the pandemic.
My daughter only received one card and a few “congratulations” messages online. She and I were really hurt, and I was especially irritated because over the past 40 years, I have personally hosted two showers and given over 20 wedding and baby shower gifts to my family members. Am I just petty or old-fashioned? I just received another baby shower invitation today, and here we go.
Can you assure Miss Manners, that these are the cards themselves, and not something that might have been slipped into a card? You quickly talked about gifts. It’s unfortunate that many people view wedding gifts as the obligatory price of entry to the event. Therefore, no event means no gift, and often no reaction.
To answer what Miss Manners thinks is your real question: Since exchanging gifts is a custom in your family, this tradition should not have been canceled with the holiday. But what shocks her is that many seem not to have recognized the marriage at all. Whether those who did so sent informal email messages or used cards doesn’t seem so important.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
