Clearly, this T-shirt was an attempt at humor, probably even satire. Maybe it actually meant the opposite of what he said. That it didn’t end up at your place is understandable. Miss Manners doesn’t understand either. But pointing out insensitivity to someone you already believe is insensitive seems like a waste of time.
For the sake of your own blood pressure, Miss Manners advises you not to take so-called humorous shirts literally. Half the people who wear them have forgotten they are wearing them anyway. We already have enough intentional insults in the streets; we need not seek further.
Dear Miss Manners: My 29-year-old, completely independent daughter recently told me she doesn’t want to hear negative comments from me: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
I am a retired senior director of a large multi-million dollar company with two postgraduate degrees. I have successfully managed hundreds of employees over the years and undertaken thorough, no-complaint people management, development and mentoring. I have an outspoken personality and am used to speaking my mind directly to my family, due to years of being politically correct in the office. I raised my daughter to be a strong and successful woman. I’m lost now because I still have to be politically correct.
I know you’ll probably tell me I’m wrong, but as I’m now approaching sixty, I’m tired of having to censor myself. I have been doing this for many years and in many professional and social contexts. My daughter was one of my only “unfiltered” catches. Do I just suck it up, smile, close my mouth and stop being me? Or should I pay a therapist to listen to my ranting?
Do not want being a punching bag for pent-up negativity, Miss Manners notes, hardly qualifies as censorship. Perhaps your daughter is so successful because she learned from you how to maintain cordial business relationships. Now she’s doing you one better by recognizing that family deserves the same respect, if not—brace yourself—even more.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
