Is this possible in our time? When I was a kid, I knew “bad things” could happen, but parents gave us a lot of leeway. Has the world become more dangerous, or are we hearing more about the dangers? Are the summer days at “The Sandlot” no more? I want my children to experience freedom in safety.
Am I naive? : You’re idealizing it somewhat – I had that childhood too, and it was never without worries. But that was kind of the point: learning to avoid or get out of trouble was considered part of growing up. Significant skills development. Such training in ingenuity required problems, by definition – and I think that’s where we changed as a society. The risk is the same – lower, arguably, with bike helmets, smarter cars, etc. – but our appetite for risk has plummeted.
Parental judgment didn’t help. If something goes wrong, there is a whole chorus eager to shame and blame.
That’s not all: Demographically, we have moved away from “The Sandlot.” Fewer households have children, so fewer neighborhoods support sports ball. So to get that kind of synergy between multiple kids, choose your cul-de-sac carefully — then hope the kids aren’t in cars all day chasing travel leagues.
I think you’ll find some friendly parents if you ask around. In fact, we were uprooted – from a beloved neighborhood – to somewhere more conducive to free exploration. You can also go against local trends and simply give your kids longer leashes instead of childhood-eating smartphones.
Children exploring is not limited to television. You can reproduce certain conditions in freedom. Just be prepared to hear it from the pearl police.
· I will never forget the time our parents let me and my cousins go to the grocery store to get milk. It was fun and liberating. We found out years later that our mothers were following us around to make sure we were okay. There is a distinction between what the child experiences and the reality in terms of surveillance. I think you can find a happy medium. My kids have free reign in our neighborhood, but parents text each other for updates. Moving to a neighborhood known for its large number of families with children wandering into yards made a huge difference.
· From around 6 years old, we let our children “do their shopping” alone. Consider parking in the library parking lot: “Can you take these books inside and ask the office to check them in?” The children seemed to like being trusted to complete tasks. Not really cycling to the pool, but it instilled in me some independence and confidence.
· We are all here today having survived our childhood because we were lucky. Carolyn is right: it’s the judgment you will face that has changed. Otherwise, the world is just a wild, dangerous, exciting place, and your kids deserve the chance to enjoy it.
· Since the 1980s, the media has increasingly carried stories about bad things happening to children in other parts of the world. This makes bad things seem like they happen much more often than they actually do, which has led generations of parents to be more protective. Heightened judgment developed alongside increased fear.
