My girlfriend is going through a tough time with my decision to take this week away this summer. She says she’s going to miss me too much and strongly implies that I shouldn’t. I wonder what you think about it.
Camper: I think your girlfriend is really into you. I also think she is trying to manipulate and control you. A week apart can seem very long when you are in the first throes of attachment. But that’s how it happens.
Your girlfriend shouldn’t force you to give up something that is so important to you. It’s part of your life, and your attachment, service, and commitment to this place and these people are an important part of who you are. A person who loves and respects you should also, to some extent, celebrate this aspect of your life and character.
It’s a bit of a test of your girlfriend’s maturity, sense of perspective, and overall respect for you. For now, it is failing. If she’s really putting pressure on you to give up that week-long commitment, then you should consider taking a vacation from this relationship. Don’t give in.
Dear Amy: I’m a man in my 20s, I’ve been dating my girlfriend exclusively for three years. We are very compatible and talking about moving in together. I met his family members a few times, but never spent much time with them. Recently we took a trip to his hometown and stayed with his parents. His parents seem very nice and, as far as I can tell, they approve of me. We stayed there for four days and had a great time.
I’m a little worried because during our stay, I felt like my girlfriend wasn’t very nice to her mother. She became very irritated with her mother and took it out on her. She seemed to react the same way to her grandmother: impatient and almost rude. I witnessed this in person and also heard her act this way with her mother on the phone.
Lately, I have to admit, she seems to treat me a bit this way too. When she gets upset or irritated, she snaps and is very short with me. I really didn’t like seeing her like this with her mother, I don’t like being treated this way, and I wonder if this is a warning sign for our future.
Clicked on: Mothers and daughters sometimes share an awkward dynamic. You’re unlikely to influence a lifetime of feelings between your girlfriend and the women in her life, but adults are supposed to be able to control their behavior. So call her about it. When she attacks you, call her out.
And the next time you have one of those conversations where you discuss each other’s weaknesses and failures, you should tell her what strikes you when you see her being impatient and rude to her mother and grandmother. Yes, I would say this behavior is a red flag, but it’s also a behavior your girlfriend can change – and she should absolutely be willing to work on it.
Dear Amy: “Tired boyfriend” reported that his girlfriend, “Chrissy,” quit her job before Christmas and now only wants to be a “stay-at-home girlfriend.” You missed the most obvious point: Chrissy is clinically depressed.
Your answer: “We all want to be a stay-at-home girlfriend. But life doesn’t work that way,” was heartless.
Upset: I am not a clinician and would never try to diagnose anyone based on an ounce of subjective information. You probably shouldn’t do that either.
© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
