A concern for me is that he might possibly need to know his medical history which I cannot provide. Also, he is increasingly curious about family ancestry and I try to avoid such conversations.
His mom doesn’t want to discuss any of this with me, but I’m open to both of us talking about it with him in the future if she wants to.
I took the position that it was up to her to tell him, but she hasn’t since we discovered this information almost five years ago.
Should I do something, or should I just wait for it? She may be considering taking the truth to her grave to avoid embarrassment.
Is action on my part required? Your suggestion?
Father: You should not avoid discussing family ancestry with your son. He is a member of the family and – DNA aside – your family ancestry is also his.
He also has the right to know the truth about his DNA. This is important information, for obvious reasons. And – while learning this news would undoubtedly bring challenges for everyone in the family – it’s the truth. It is his truth, and he is entitled to it.
Given the ubiquity of DNA testing, your son is likely to find out for himself at some point. Notwithstanding his mother’s problem, imagine how he would feel knowing that you have possessed this knowledge for years and have chosen not to tell him?
You have to set a countdown and let his mother know that if she doesn’t tell your son the truth in a reasonable amount of time, you will. Yes, definitely offer to join her in a chat.
dear Amy: I recently married my husband “RJ”, and life is good.
At a meeting with some old friends of mine, one of them waited for RJ to go to the bathroom to ask me about my ex-husband and his well-being. She quickly concluded as soon as RJ approached to join us again, and I’m glad she did.
Unfortunately, RJ has not always shown me the same “benevolence”.
In the past, he and his friends have relived the good times they all had together, including much, much talk about his ex.
I don’t have jealous tendencies and that didn’t bother me in itself, but I admit I felt somewhat disconnected from him after those two or three instances.
What is your opinion on the best approach? In company, should you avoid talking about your past in front of your current partner, or chatter away and let him take care of himself?
Curious: If the choices are kindness and consideration rather than barking and negotiating, I vote for what’s behind door number one.
However, depending on the context, some wandering into the past is to be expected, especially if the group includes more than one old friend.
Typically, in-depth conversations about old personal experiences featuring strangers are both boring and disconnecting. A kind person will find ways to steer the conversation and not alienate one person for very long.
Yes, I agree that it’s best if your husband doesn’t start long conversations involving “lots and lots of talking” about his ex. However, if the ball rolls, you must tolerate it. You shouldn’t completely avoid talking about your own story in front of your husband, either.
These anecdotes will help you complete each other’s life stories as you build your own shared story.
dear Amy: You really blew your answer to “Saddened.”
First of all, the 40-year-old girl should have her own house and find a full-time job. Does she even have friends or a date?
I can go on and on, but something is seriously wrong with this household.
Disappointed: “Sadden” reported that all household members were functioning and happy. He was looking for ways to improve his relationship with his daughter-in-law, and I came up with some ideas.
©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency
