His brother is divorced and lives alone, so he has no reference to downtime. His sister is married, but she also calls whenever the mood tells her. This happens seven days a week.
My wife and I both work and have hectic days. At 8 or 9 p.m., we’re both ready for dinner (we both contribute equally and share all the chores) and to spend some quality time together.
His siblings have no idea.
It’s partly my wife’s fault because she’ll always answer their calls no matter what we do – and then she’ll discuss the topic of the day. I know that if I try to talk about it, my wife will get angry and the situation will only get worse.
— Frustrated with in-laws
Frustrated: It is not “partially” your wife’s fault/responsibility. The choice to take a call in the evening and converse with a brother without anything in particular is entirely his responsibility.
Your wife’s phone has a texting feature that allows her to see an incoming call and, at the touch of a button, send an automatic text message saying various things: “Please please text me”, “I’ll call you back”. ,” etc.
You seem quite nervous about driving your wife “crazy”, with the added fear that she will retaliate, which would make things worse (for you). Is your fear and acquiescence the key to your long marriage? I hope not.
You should sit down with your wife and ask her, “Can we agree to a moratorium on our phones in the evening…from about 9 p.m. during the week? I would really like to set aside time for us to be together as a family without interruption.
This can be especially important when your daughter is home.
If your wife refuses to discuss it, comes to a mutual solution, or retaliates against you for suggesting it, then unfortunately you have a bigger problem.
dear Amy: My three children gave birth four times among them.
At each birth, labor was “assisted” by a group of groupies — mothers, fathers, mothers-in-law, sisters, friends, etc. Also the husband — perhaps lost in the crowd. In each case, I refused to participate in these vigils.
During the procedure, a constant series of text updates and comments were published. In each case, I declined to participate and announced that I would stay home and wait for the traditional phone call. Once, the birth was announced with only a text!
I told everyone that I consider a birth to be a solemn, intimate and very private event for new parents. They thought I was clumsy.
Do people livestream their work on Facebook?!
Unhappy: I can well understand your own desire to let these babies be born without your presence invading the room, but I think it might help you to understand that for many centuries and in many cultures, birth has been a communal event, attended by parents, friends, doulas, elders and children.
The choice should be up to the parents and others should respect their desire for privacy, if that is what they want.
I guess births are streamed live on Facebook, which is why I’m no longer active on that social media site.
dear Amy: I can identify with “exasperated donor.”
I’d rather receive a “fill in the blanks” thank you note than none at all. Even a text message would make me happy.
I started a new system. People have three chances (gifts) to recognize a gift, otherwise they won’t receive any more gifts from me.
They might ask me if I forgot their birthday or Christmas gift this year, but when I say my last gift of sometimes $50-100 was not acknowledged, I just assumed they didn’t. really needed nothing from me. I’ve been saving myself hurt feelings and a lot of money lately. I still send cards, but that’s it.
three shots: I like your solution.
©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency
