For the past 10 years, however, when she gets really mad at me or tries to force me to do something she wants me to do, she threatens to tell my adult children and our little ones -children “the kind of man you really are”. ”
It’s pure blackmail. Sometimes she says she will tell the whole story to the family in her own way after I die.
I have never repeated any illegal acts since then and have shared a good life and I believe have made a positive contribution to many people through my work.
I considered telling my children as truthfully and factually as possible, and I wrote and rewrote my confession several times to share it with them. I did not send this confession. It is password protected on my hard drive. I think my adult children would understand and forgive. I cringe at the thought of my grandchildren knowing that.
Do you see another way? If my wife finally tells this story, she will be embroidered from her point of view and over 40 years of everything she wants to bring to the story. His temper is legendary.
What do you think I should do?
Reform: I think you should meet with a lawyer, provide a full and accurate account of what you did, and discuss your options, including admitting to this crime and compensating the victims or the institution you have harmed. (The statute of limitations for you to be sued may have expired decades ago.)
And then – yes – you should tell your family about it. This will remove this episode from your wife’s bag of tricks. It would be best if you and your wife did it together, but that might not be possible. (In my opinion, you should make this admission in person – not via a written document, but perhaps by reading your document, if that makes it easier.)
You must recognize your wife’s opposition to your plan and take full responsibility for your actions. You must answer all questions and assure your children that you have done your best to lead an exemplary life since then.
And then you should ask for their forgiveness. Also ask forgiveness from your wife. His attempts at blackmail are deplorable, but — well, you started it.
A marriage counselor may be able to help you resolve any residual personal or family issues related to your crime and your confession.
dear Amy: I am a 48 year old woman who has been dating a 52 year old man for four years. He is a man of few words. He doesn’t always say what he feels, but usually expresses what he feels through gestures.
However, I am ready to settle down. I am ready to get married. I’m ready to see where this relationship really goes, so do you think it’s okay to ask my boyfriend to marry me?
wondering: A quick way to see where your relationship is going is to ask your longtime man to marry you.
Before you do, you should ask yourself two important questions: Is this talkative, slow-talking little glass of water the right person to bet it all on? Do you have a plan for what you’ll do if he hems, haws, doesn’t give you an answer, and doesn’t make a tell-all gesture?
If so, then absolutely – go for it.
dear Amy: With regard to the question of post-pandemic hugI recently attended a professional conference in person.
We all had a name tag and lanyard, but what was new was that we could choose the color of our lanyard (red, yellow or green) depending on how we felt about squeezing the hand or other touching. Green meant go for it (high-fives or handshakes), yellow meant “I’m always careful” and red meant “I really want to social distance – no contact”.
I thought it was a clever way to bring us back to the world of in-person events.
©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency
