My problem is that I have a son, a daughter and a grandson, all adults, who live under my roof, because they had absolutely nowhere to go. They don’t contribute money or keep their areas clean and tidy.
They cook and eat at my place. Please help me motivate them to clean up after themselves and contribute to our little community.
It shouldn’t important, but if you divulged the fact that the house is paid for, your family might get the wrong impression that your expenses are minimal. Or if they are having a hard time, they may revert to their childish ways.
You can be compassionate while creating ground rules: “We’re glad to have you here, but you need to treat our house with respect, especially if this is going to be a long-term situation. Clean-up after self is mandatory and meal contributions are appreciated.
As for motivation? If they don’t want to comply, Miss Manners suggests that you slowly start helping them with other housing options.
Dear Miss Manners: At a good friend’s daughter’s wedding reception, my husband and I encountered a rather bizarre occurrence: a young woman was going around the dining tables selling raffle tickets for $5 each.
If you were the winner, you received tickets to a heavy metal rock concert. Proceeds from the raffle were going to be given to the newly married couple to help with their honeymoon expenses.
There were eight guests seated at our table. When she asked if we were interested in buying a ticket, everyone refused her. The ticket seller actually got snippy with us before finally moving on.
Frankly, we were all appalled. Most guests spent four to five hours of their day celebrating with the newlyweds — more for those who traveled a long distance, plus extra expense if they stayed overnight. You also give a nice gift, and you still get the shakedown for a raffle ticket to fund the honeymoon!
When my husband and I got married, we paid for our honeymoon without anyone else’s help. Additionally, the size of this wedding could have been scaled down to save money, or the couple could take a honeymoon later when their finances allowed.
No need to feel Too bad the raffle vendor got snippy. This may prompt her to tell the newlyweds that their plan failed. Then they will all realize how rude and presumptuous it was and apologize to the guests.
No. They’ll probably just start a GoFundMe instead.
So yes, to your biggest point, guest extortion is appalling and Miss Manners is sick of pointing it out. Especially since it only seems to inspire more creativity in how they go about it.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday at washingtonpost.com/board. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
