I said that if she wanted, I would order a copy of the book for her online, and she would have it when she got home. She refused.
As she was about to leave, I happened to notice that the book in question was missing from the shelf, and I told her that I would like to retrieve it before she left. His response was to present me as miserly, selfish, indifferent, etc., which I thought was unfair and undeserved.
She returned the book and left. It was a bad time all around, but, I thought, she was doing it. My wife, however, disagrees and thinks my behavior was petty and inconsiderate. I would like to know your thoughts.
be out in your way of not accusing your guest of theft, you still came close to being the blatant victim of it.
Please tell your wife that Miss Manners says that as long as the request is politely declined (and offering to buy a copy of the book is more than generous), hosts are not required to give away their belongings just because one their request. If so, many exercise bikes, innocently stored in the guest bedroom, could mysteriously disappear after a visit.
Dear Miss Manners: My daughter’s husband has a sister, whom I will call my daughter-in-law. I recently bought a dress for this single, childless daughter-in-law. She didn’t like it, or maybe it didn’t suit her. No matter. She wanted to give it back.
She texted me and asked if she could drop it off and ask me or my daughter (who has a job, two young kids and a husband) to return it. The store where it was purchased is a long way from where my daughter and I live, so I offered to have the daughter-in-law return it herself, so she could see what the store has to offer and make an appropriate exchange .
It’s not a matter that she wants the money for the dress, because she’s employed and financially well-off. I feel like because my daughter is extremely busy, she shouldn’t have the added task of returning someone else’s present.
Unbeknownst to me, the daughter-in-law brought the dress to my daughter anyway, leaving it with her to be returned to her after I specifically suggested she make it herself. Who is wrong here?
Having had nothing to do with this transaction, your daughter doesn’t need to be in a rush to complete it. In Miss Manners’ opinion, she needn’t bother with it at all.
If your daughter-in-law asks about the dress, you can reiterate that your daughter doesn’t know what to trade it for – and that if she needs to be fixed up quickly, she should do it herself. Over the next decade, all of that will be sorted out. By then the store will probably have closed anyway.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday at washingtonpost.com/board. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
