1. I could ask anyone who wanted to give a gift to contribute $5 before the party, and then I could give them a gift that I know they would like. (I’d love for someone to request this for their kid’s birthday, as it would mean I wouldn’t have to run errands. And it would cost a lot less than an unwanted toy!)
2. I could ask participants to give a gift that is an artistic activity, such as a coloring book or a building block.
Are either of these ideas in poor taste? I really try to avoid waste – and unnecessary expense – but I don’t want to offend anyone either.
So graciously accept whatever people choose to give and teach your daughter to do the same.
Miss Manners remarks that this is an opportunity to teach another lesson: ask your daughter to select the items she won’t use (assuming her tastes actually match yours) and explain the value of giving them away to a children’s charity that can benefit them.
Dear Miss Manners: In my wedding, I buy all the cards and gifts for every occasion for our families and friends. That does not bother me.
My son got married and they shared the responsibility: he makes the cards for his family and she makes them for hers. I was impressed when they started this system.
On my cards that I receive from him, he signs both names or only his. But my feelings are a little hurt that my daughter-in-law doesn’t even recognize my birthday. I recognize her on her birthday and at Christmas. I only received one thank you card when I offered them a large sum of money.
As for signing the cards, my husband will sign it if it’s important to him. What is your opinion? Should everyone sign the card?
It’s not insulting for a spouse to represent the couple by signing both their names on a card. Miss Manners suggests that before complaining, you ask your son if he writes separately to his mother-in-law.
Dear Miss Manners: I moved 1,500 miles last year and developed a wonderful circle of friends in my new town. We enjoy church activities, dining out, and community activities like concerts.
A member has taken on the role of coordinator, and she finds great things to do, but it’s too much for me! So far this week, she’s scheduled three concerts — with meals before and after each — and a 7 a.m. march every morning. How can you graciously refuse some of these activities, but not all of them?
One at a time, according to your choice. Miss Manners guesses that when you’re handed a menu in a restaurant, you probably don’t feel pressured to eat everything that’s listed.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday at washingtonpost.com/board. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
