A wrinkle in the plans is the guest list. My granddaughter would like to invite only the great-aunts and great-uncles she feels closest to – which would be just a fraction of my husband’s many siblings.
My husband is sure it wouldn’t bother his other siblings. He may be right, but there’s also the potential for hurt feelings on the father of the bride’s side. Her father (who divorced her mother many years ago) has several siblings, half-brothers and half-sisters.
The bride has never been close to these aunts and uncles, and not all of them are upstanding, law-abiding citizens. She definitely doesn’t want these people at her wedding, and I couldn’t agree more.
However, she fears that if she invites great-aunts and great-uncles from our side of the family, she will have to invite her father’s siblings as well. Does the label provide a solution to this dilemma?
Etiquette allows weddings be big or small without explanation. (They should probably all be described as “small,” unless they’re set in a stadium.)
Thus, one defense when excluding relatives is to pretend to have a small wedding – a position that is more easily defended when the number of invitations is low, or when the bride is ready to maintain, without flinching, that the wedding is little.
Although not a principle of etiquette, Miss Manners would also recognize as legitimate the decision to exclude those with outstanding arrest warrants.
Dear Miss Manners: A few years ago, I made friends with a colleague. Although we no longer work together, we keep in touch from time to time. When his mother passed away, I went to the church service to offer my condolences.
I gave him, his wife (who is also my friend) and his brother a hug and a few words of comfort, but I did not address his other siblings. I know who they are, but I don’t remember ever chatting with any of them.
Should I also offer them my condolences? Was I mean not to offer them a gesture of sympathy, even though we don’t know each other?
Yes. not knowing Not every grieving family member is an uncommon situation, and Miss Manners is confident that those closest to the deceased would rather have a stranger’s expression of sympathy than see someone turned down and wonder who it is. ‘was.
New Miss Manners columns are published Monday to Saturday at washingtonpost.com/board. You can send questions to Miss Manners on her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
