She said she was open to new patients, but…did I know anyone who was a client of hers? Because if I didn’t, if I called him out of the blue, well, “that’s a little weird.”
I ended up having a few sessions with her. Long story, it wasn’t good. I ended up feeling much worse and found it impossible to even start trying to find anyone else to talk to.
Was this a strange way to find a therapist? Should I do it differently? The only person I know who is local and is in therapy is my 24 year old self. Their therapist is absolutely wonderful – my partner and I helped our child find her when he was a teenager – but I’m hesitant to see her because I worry about boundaries. Plus, I think she’s no longer part of our plan and money is definitely an issue.
Woman in her fifties: 1. The strangest thing about the first therapist was her inappropriate comment. Not good at all.
2. It’s okay to exclude a therapist who says something that makes you uncomfortable. Live and learn. Either you talk about it first – “Making this call was difficult for me, and saying I did something ‘weird’ isn’t helpful” – or you simply refuse to make an appointment and follow up your research. Fit really matters.
3. It can be helpful to get a therapist recommendation from someone you trust – friend, doctor, school counselor, clergy member – but no, looking for someone through your insurance is not not “weird”. The basic thing to expect from a provider is a warm welcome into their practice. Yeah. And finding someone is difficult!
4. I doubt your child’s wonderful therapist would even agree to treat you, given the potential conflict of interest. But you can ask her for the names of other therapists she respects. Then see if there are any in your plan, and that’s it.
But still say “no thanks” if one of these recommended therapists says something that turns you off. Finding the right person – therapist, friends, career, neighborhood, partner, pants – is rarely a quick process and rarely worth it.
· I’m a therapist and I receive at least a dozen calls and emails like this every week. They are not weird or unusual; people are directed to me by their insurance company listings, by web searches (especially the Psychology Today site), or by noticing the little sign with my name on it outside my office door.
The fact is that the ranks of therapists include a percentage of low-skill people, just like auto mechanics, financial advisors, lawyers, or the like. [insert your favorite example here]. If you feel the need to talk to someone, keep at it until you find someone you feel comfortable with.
· The therapist who called cold calling weird is… weird.
