Part of dating I never liked was finding someone perfectly nice who liked me but whom I didn’t like back. I’m not a cold freak and I hate hurting other people’s feelings. I managed to find a girlfriend, but she dumped me for another guy and then dumped him for another guy. I also don’t want kids or pets, so that’s not a priority. Since the covid hit I haven’t dated anyone and found life a lot easier in a way.
My question is, when should I just stop dating and embrace a monastic life?
Anonymous: Your Q: Should I be myself?
Here’s what I went through to get here:
· What your friends have experienced and felt or what society expects. Non pertinent. You don’t need them to justify you.
· The divorce rate. Married people struggle with single people, but we knew that. Generalizations, again, do not meet your specific needs.
· The injured potential. You can experience this even when you’re not technically “dating”. I’m going to get there.
The EX. People coming in and out of your life and doing things you don’t like/understand/wouldn’t do are also part of the whole human existence whether you’re in a relationship or not.
What we are left with is that you have made a change and are happier about it. That is what matters. This is everything it is important. Problem closed. Until you find out you’re not happy where you are and start making changes again. It’s a good thing to know how to do it, to listen to yourself and respond productively to what you hear.
I mentioned that the potential for hurting “perfectly nice” people exists even when you’re not dating. Likewise, you can meet people when you’re not dating. You can fall in love when you’re not dating. You can live happily ever after when you’re not dating, alone or in a relationship.
Dating is not the first step in marital causation. This is an option, period, that you can always object to. Without explanation, without community affirmation, and without sealing your fate.
Dear Caroline: My son and his wife are expecting a child in the fall – the second together, the fifth overall – and are exchanging names. They both have a habit of coming up with unusual and hard-to-spell names, in addition to having a surname that must be spelled for everyone.
Well, I heard they were considering using the name of a mythological figure for the next one. The problem? I had a boss who named his child the same. I can’t stand this old boss and the thought of having to associate the new grandchild with this person is truly upsetting. Say something or crush?
Upset: It’s certainly fine to mention a difficult association, just like that: “I have a difficult association with that name, but I’ll handle it if that’s what you choose.” Because you’ll be fine if that’s what they choose.
Generally, however, our job is to weed out the naming processes of others unless their choice is an objective disaster like Ivana Tinkle, because one’s judgment is the other’s. Also, cute babies can fix a lot of ugly associations.
