But our sister-in-law loves it, and we know she’ll pressure us into miserable and expensive big ski trips. (The husband is not very close to his family and is exasperated to spend more than a day or two with them.) We are already planning to have to withdraw from events we do not want to attend. How can we do it politely, with a minimum of drama? SIL is the type to get drunk and sob if something bad happens, so that’s the last thing we want.
Not a snow bunny: wow. The ski screamed and slid into a corner.
And he got the muzzle even though it’s not your real problem.
The real problems are: your contempt for your sister-in-law, your husband’s low point of exasperation with his family, your different tastes in vacations, their preferential rates (which effectively rules out that you were going to get along), your physical risk aversion, their poor not-response skills, and your poor not-to-say skills.
Ha, just kidding. It’s just the last one. Because here is the only fix you need:
“Ski trip? No thanks.”
In an effusive mood, you can add: “But if you decide on something different, let us know, otherwise we’ll see you next time.”
Ended. The keys to minimizing drama are to choose not to be intimidated by the threat of it and not to respond to it except with calm, polite, evasive sounds like “My God, I’m sorry to hear that. “. You can live however you want, and they can sob drunk however they want, but they can’t make you sob drunk on a ski trip unless you choose to let them. So don’t let them.
Instead, generate goodwill by inviting them on trips you’d like.
I could stop here, but it feels like advisory malpractice not to point out that high-level riding may be free, but it’s just as dated and unbearable a symbol as the one you’re lamenting. If not more.
Skiing has its privilege issues, yes. Undeniably. But any winter sport will be 1. expensive, thanks to the equipment; and 2. fun even for some people who aren’t morons. There are ways to save. And many rational people accept both the recreational risk and the fact that you don’t take it. And the snowy panoramas are magnificent. And you can hurt yourself on your sidewalk.
What I mean – with skiing or anything else – if you take big judging of others to justify yourself, then you’re giving up high ground from the start. Joke on top of a mountain here. Plus, even with a “polite, minimal drama” veneer, people will see your disdain, which in itself may merit a chicken-and-egg roundtable on being “not very close” with your family.
Again: Don’t want to ski? So say it nicely, ignoring the pushback. “Not Our Thing” does all the explaining you need.