My husband accepted this child as his own. When this son was 2 years old, his biological father died in a car accident. His biological father had never seen my son. We never told my son that my husband was not his biological father.
I feel guilty for not telling my son, but my husband is against it. My two other sons know it, but he doesn’t. He is 36 now.
Should I tell him? I feel so guilty that he doesn’t know.
wishing: Yes, you should tell your son the truth about his biological parentage and provide him with information about his biological father. It will probably be difficult for all of you, but the rest of the family knows this essential truth about your youngest son, and they deserve to know the truth as well.
People who learn the truth about their DNA later in life sometimes report that this knowledge has helped fill in gaps or answer long-standing questions about their identity.
dear Amy: “Arlene” is my close childhood friend. When her daughter “Lena” was born, I was asked to be Lena’s godmother. I was delighted. For years I made the effort to celebrate Lena’s special days, to visit her and be in touch regularly, even after they moved to the opposite coast.
After Lena graduated from college, I tried to meet at least once a year. I never had children of my own, so that was important to me. Lena had her own baby last year with her partner. She and her small family have now moved to be near Arlene. Before they left, I visited her and the baby and sent gifts.
Arlene and I have separated over the years. We don’t talk to each other regularly, but we text on birthdays and exchange Christmas cards. Last year, I received a greeting card from Arlene with the note: “This will be a milestone to celebrate Lena’s wedding.
I am extremely disappointed not to have been invited! Lena is in her thirties now, and therefore a mature adult. I’m disappointed and hurt that neither of them thought to call me or send a specific note to at least offer the “immediate family only” excuse as a reason not to invite to this wedding.
How should I handle this? I think it’s important that they know that I was hurt, but that they want to set a noble example.
Should I send a card/gift to the wedding and wait to sort out the issues a few weeks after the event? Should I do it by phone or by mail? Should I address them both individually or just contact the mother?
Or do I just ignore the marriage, let it go, and assume my role and the friendship are over?
Godmother: “Lena” is your goddaughter. It is she who is getting married. She dropped the ball and neglected to include or contact you. Your relationship with the two women has grown far enough apart to have relegated you to an outer orbit, with very rare contact.
The godfather role is sometimes tenuous as relationships wax and wane over the years. You have been a truly wonderful and involved sponsor for over 30 years, and you have kindly extended your generosity to the next generation (Lena’s child).
If you think it’s important to let these women know that they hurt you, you should tell them (individually) through a brief note.
Yes, it would be nice to send Lena a card congratulating her on her wedding, but you shouldn’t combine the two messages.
dear Amy: “Mother-in-law in the middlereported that his stepson used condoms for birth control, but his girlfriend did not use birth control.
You contributed to this shame of her for exercising her own choice. Some women cannot use hormonal birth control. It can make them very sick. It’s his business, not someone else’s.
upset: There are non-hormonal birth control methods available to women, but I agree with you that it should be her choice.
©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency
