Shopping for gifts during the holidays can be quite a difficult task. Before you go hunting for the hottest products of the season and spurring other customers on to top sellers, it helps to have a good idea of what everyone on your list wants this year. But what if your roster consists of a music-obsessed gravity lord or a hamster who operates a giant robotic wrecking ball?
With a cast of characters as quirky as Overwatch’s cast, deciding what to put under the tree each year is tougher than holding the capture point in Lijiang Tower. Luckily, we’ve put together this handy buying guide to help you find the best gift for the hyper-intelligent moon monkey that has it all.
7/7 driver
One of the most menacing characters in the cast, Roadhog is known for his short temper and massive hand cannon. He’s also known for his secret love for the adorable, onion-like Pachimari (whether he likes it or not). From sprays to emotes to a surprisingly bold alternate outfit, Roadhog’s love for this little mascot could only stay in the shadows for so long.
It seems obvious to grab an extra large plush or piece of cool merch featuring the Pachimari for Roadhog this holiday season, but don’t expect a “thank you” in public. In fact, we recommend that you anonymously gift this guilty pleasure to our volatile tank friend. Better that than risk an embarrassment-fueled hook to the face. Trust us, he’ll love it.
6/7 D. Go
D.Va has two hobbies that we know – shooting down her enemies in her favorite robot and shooting down her enemies in her favorite games. So why not find a way to combine the two?
We bet D.Va would appreciate a new game setup, especially one inspired by his beloved robot, Tokki. We’re not sure how many other gamers would appreciate a gaming chair you need to jump into from behind, but judging by how many heads it clicks as it flies around the battlefield, it might actually be the best. help raise his K/D even higher.
5/7 Widow
One of the world’s deadliest assassins, Widowmaker is not meant to be played with. Her deadly shot and icy demeanor make her a threat to just about anyone, making it all the more puzzling that groups of Overwatch heroes are constantly breaking into her castle to stage deathmatches. .
We’re giving Widowmaker a security system this holiday season, which will hopefully limit the number of unwanted guests popping up at his door, his basement or one of those confusingly designed balconies out back. Heck, a doorbell camera might have helped stop Talon from breaking in, kidnapping her, and turning her into a sniper murdering her husband in the first place. Maybe. They have a guy who can fade away, after all.
4/7 Winston
For a hulking primate wielding a lightning cannon, Winston is a remarkably nice guy. He’s tasked with recalling the former Overwatch crew in the first place, which shows you how important his friendships are to him, even his most distant relations.
And what do friends like? Jokes! Specifically, good jokes. Winston has a habit of inviting everyone he interacts with to listen to his periodic table humor, with largely negative results. A big book of science jokes could help him brush up on his gear and hopefully avoid sending any of his allies running off to join Talon rather than listen to his third potassium pun in a row.
3/7 Sigma
Honestly, Sigma is probably on the villain list in most storylines. While usually manipulated by Talon into his music-based mayhem, it still has the potential to cause all types of trouble for the Overwatch team. And since most of those mayhem-inducing tunes are coming from inside his head, earplugs probably won’t be much help.
In place, how about a nice pair of headphones? Sigma sees astrophysics and the various elements of the universe in musical terms, so maybe a few new tunes could change his outlook on life. If “that tune” stuck in his head was a Katy Perry summertime anthem, that might make it a little less deadly. Or a little more. Who can say.
2/7 Anne
One of the founding members of Overwatch, Ana’s skills are well proven at this point. She’s on par with Widowmaker when it comes to snipers, and she’s one of the betting support characters in the game. As long as you ask her to support her team, and not, like, her real family or whatever.
After basically disappearing on his daughter Pharah for years, we think it would be best to give her a mother-daughter vacation this year. Some quality bonding time could be nice for the pair, especially if they bond over something that doesn’t involve shooting people for once.
1/7 Zarya
Zarya is undoubtedly a hero, helping to protect her country in the wake of the Omnic Crisis. She also jerked off. Like, super fucked up. Did you see her flex? I mean, it constantly flexes into simply existing.
What better gift to get the strongest woman in the game (other than maybe Junker Queen – it’s an arm wrestling contest we’d pay to see) than a new set of gym equipment? This way, she no longer has to simply raise her massive weapon. Those core muscles will thank us later.