Our daughter goes shopping with the youngest all the time, while the eldest stays at home with dad.
I asked, “Why not take the oldest?” She said the eldest daughter was not interested. I think, “Well, make her go!”
When the girls spend the night with us, I deliberately favor the eldest. My husband plays with the younger one while I reach for the older one, hug her, cuddle her and give her lots of love.
Am I wrong to try to make up six days of favoring the youngest with one day of favoring the oldest?
I can’t say anything to our daughter because I’m afraid I’ll offend her and then we’ll never see the girls.
Grandmother: If your daughter was responding to her own mother’s respectful observational comments by denying access to the children, then your issues may be bigger than this attention imbalance.
You seem very sensitive about favoritism. I’m not sure leaving a child home after shopping because they don’t want to go is an example of…anything, but I agree that parental favoritism manifests has a negative effect on the whole family – look what it does for yours!
You see that mom favors the youngest, so you favor the eldest.
I agree that it is compassionate and loving to treat your eldest granddaughter with great care. Each child wants to be recognized as an individual and appreciated for their unique presence. Every child wants to be “seen” – especially by a cherished grandparent.
This includes your youngest granddaughter. It would be a good example for both girls if you treated them as a team at times, fostering balance and togetherness, while finding special time to spend with each.
dear Amy: I have one sister and no other siblings. My parents have been divorced for 28 years and live in the state where I grew up.
About 18 years ago, my sister followed me to the same town where I have lived for about 24 years. One of the reasons she would have moved was to be closer to my children, although she never really saw them more than a few times a year for birthdays and holidays.
After cutting both of my parents out of her life in 2019, she cut me out of her life in 2021. She was angry that I took her to the hospital during a very severe manic episode. She has no contact with my children.
I love her, but I’ve come to accept that given her mental illness, I can never do enough for her, and I no longer wish to ride her roller coaster of false accusations and the other drama that she invites into his life on a regular basis.
I am our father’s proxy, who lives in an independent living center that I organized for him.
Although he is not near death, I know that I will be the person responsible for making his end-of-life arrangements when the time comes.
Given that my sister has been separated from both my parents for three years and no longer communicates with me and my family, what are my obligations, if any, to inform her of the death of my parents when the time comes?
Hurt: In the event of the death of your parents, you have the obligation to inform your sister. You are not obligated beyond that, and you are not responsible for their behavior or choices.
I declare that in my sincere belief that you would regret it if you did not.
dear Amy: “Woman looking for answerswas terrified of her husband’s reckless driving. We also faced this. Our solution came from our insurance company. We installed a “Drive Safe and Save” device and have an app on our phones.
It monitors your speed, acceleration, cornering, braking, and phone distraction. Data tracking has become a game.
When our insurance premiums dropped due to good driving, we were both happy!
Sure: Several readers have suggested it. “Gamifying” safe driving seems to work.
©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency
