I’m looking for advice on how to take the good and leave the bad in these situations.
Cultivated: Tell this truth: “I think back to Kollege and I see so much competition and measurement of life. It’s just… exhausting for me and dehumanizing. But I’m also sucked in. Anyone else having trouble with this?
Friendships worth keeping will withstand a bit of setback (and vulnerability). If you’re worried about being eaten by the sharks in the ivory tower, don’t: they can’t eat you if you don’t care that they eat you.
The public manipulation of metaphors is proof that any need to sound smart has become too great.
Dear Caroline: Do you have any suggestions for how to let people know you’re having a hard time without being completely depressed? Something between “I’m fine, thank you” and “I have health issues (both physical and mental), employment, housing, relationships, grief, etc. »?
In trouble: I’m sorry you’re having trouble.
I think we all get the occasional pass on the “completely depressing” thing. We don’t have to be perpetual sun fairies just to be worthy of friendship or love.
The flip side is that we need to know when we’re asking too much, when we’re asking others to do our part as well as theirs, or when we’re relying too much on one person.
But assuming you haven’t even hinted that you disagree 100%, I think you’re safe from that one for a while.
If you’re looking for words, then I would suggest being direct, to the point, and open: “I’m not very good at the moment, and I wonder if you have a few minutes for me to explain something to you.” This way you give the person a chance to say, “Sure, I’m free now” or “Sure, but not until tomorrow, can I text you when I’m free?” or etc.
And when you ask for that person’s support, be ready with an idea of what you want – is it a question, a favor, a chance to let off steam? And say it before. “I don’t need advice, just a shoulder.” Or, “I have 20 things going on, and I could use an objective eye.” Or, “I’m scared and would feel better if there were a few people who knew this and were willing to take my calls.” Break it into pieces that seem doable.
Good luck, and remember, difficult feelings tend to come in waves. What seems unmanageable today may seem, when tomorrow comes, still crap but somehow more hopeless. Or it will be worse tomorrow but better on Sunday.
And when you don’t have the right words or the right person at the right time, trust in self-care. It puts your body in a better position to process whatever’s swirling around it, and it’s something you control.