A 25-year-old New Yorker who works as a designer at an interior decorating company has gone viral on TikTok for dating dozens of women in the nation’s biggest city.
The women said the man, named Caleb, used to actively pursue them, texting and showing a high level of interest, then ghosting the women after a few weeks.
From the TikTok algorithm associating these girls to the volume of videos, #westelmcaleb has quickly become a trending topic.
Caleb went dark and TikTok ran with it.
West Elm Caleb’s story stood out on a platform with a billion daily users, including one named kellsbellsbaby, who described his experience with Caleb in detail, saying he texted her compliments all the time and acted as if he wanted to see her exclusively, when in reality he was dating other women behind his back.
West Elm Caleb is not unique in his behavior.
The phenomenon of “lovebombing” is well documented and occurs when a person shows large gestures of affection at the start of a romantic relationship, such as constantly texting or giving expensive gifts. It can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship and a mark of manipulative behavior, according to Insider.
And the concept of ghosting isn’t new either. In fact, apps like Snack and Bumble penalize users for ghosting because it’s such a common occurrence.
Although it may seem like a flippant response, lovebombing and ghosting can have profound psychological effects on victims.
“It can cause depression, feeling unwanted, feeling like something’s wrong with you, insecurities, when there might be nothing wrong. That’s exactly what the person intended to do from the very beginning.” says Domikah Burks-Olagbegi, a certified psychiatric nurse practitioner. “You question yourself and your very existence. People sometimes become suicidal behind that or self-harm, unfortunately.”
Burks-Olagbegi describes the behavior as a form of narcissism but acknowledges that it can be a cyclical pattern that is perpetuated from past hurts.
At the same time, Caleb’s internet shaming can cause severe psychological distress, including similar symptoms of depression, social anxiety and suicidal thoughts, Burks-Olagbegi points out.
From these TikTok videos, Caleb had his workplace exposed to the public, along with details about his height, facial features, and personal texts.
And online shame can have real-world consequences. In 2013, someone at a tech conference tweeted a photo of two men joking about tech terms like “forking a repo” and “huge dongles” in a sexual way, according to Forbes. The person who tweeted the photo and one of the people who told the joke were fired by their respective companies, Forbes reports.
While West Elm Caleb’s behavior may not be unique, tech platforms like TikTok have allowed people to connect and target individuals in viral ways. However, women who were victimized by his behavior and West Elm Caleb himself have the potential to suffer severe psychological damage from this experience.
You can follow the author @michelle_shen10 on Twitter.
