Fortunately, Nanjiani wrote an article about his transformation, thanking his personal trainer and dedicated nutritionist (both paid for by the studio producing the film) and the full year he had to spend on his body.
Just like that, the rest of us – who don’t have a professional team to make us look like Greek gods and goddesses – could give ourselves a break.
In our first weeks of lockdown, when I was so overwhelmed with being stuck at home with my kids that I taught my 3 year old to use the remote himself, I been comforted by parental expert Anya Kamenetz’s epic saga on the Time for Her Own Children screen. She had only been able to jet-set across the country to teach other moms about screen time moderation, she admitted, because she had had a full-time nanny. She had never spent so much time with her children.
These moments of transparency lift the veil on the illusions of perfection created by wealth and access. They give us permission to be faulty ourselves. Be limited. Do our best.
Which brings me to Amy Coney Barrett, her working husband and their seven children.
Let me start by saying that I don’t think Barrett’s family life should determine whether she qualifies for the highest court in the land, to which she was confirmed on Monday. Indeed, some of the questions surrounding his appointment have been sexist and outdated, such as when Senator John Neely Kennedy (R-La.) Asked who was doing laundry in his house.
And I’m not here to discuss his politics.
However, I firmly believe that Barrett’s vague responses regarding his own childcare situation hurt American moms. Mothers who work. Stay-at-home moms. Moms who wish they could work more. Moms who want to be able to stay at home more.
During Barrett’s nomination ceremony, she said her community knew her more as a “roommate, ride-sharing driver and birthday party planner” than a judge. How does she do that?
In the same speech, Barrett credited “Fearless Friends and Guardians”. Likewise, during an interview at Notre Dame Law School in 2019, she said that her husband and her husband’s aunt, as well as a flexible workplace living in a small town, allowed her to continue. a demanding career while being present for his family.
I have absolutely wonderful friends in my life, friends who would give up everything to watch over my children in an emergency. But as wonderful as they are, I can’t imagine them watching my seven kids for 40 hours a week so I could work. I can’t imagine asking. The babysitters I’ve used, while also wonderful, usually quit once they find full-time nanny gigs that make up for them better than the meager four hours a week I pay them for.
I also have a wonderful family and lovely aunts. But as useful as they are, they have a life of their own. They don’t allow me to work 40 hours a week.
Is it possible that Barrett raised seven children without consistent, high-quality child care?
I have no interest in judging Barrett for having a nanny, if she does. I fully support women in whatever choices they make – or in any arrangement their family’s needs require.
I can already hear the reactions of those who think it is sexist to ask such questions. Judge Antonin Scalia, after all, boasted of a full quiver of nine children, and no one asked him how he got there. But Scalia openly admitted that his role in raising his children was minimal, even admitting that his wife Maureen was raising them “with very little help from me.”
I just want Barrett to be transparent about how she balances family and work, rather than perpetuating the “she can do it all” myth. Here she has a precious opportunity. She was selected to the highest court, paraded in confirmation hearings as an amazing mother and lawyer. There are so many of us here trying to figure out how to be the mothers we want to be and have the careers we want to have. When a woman lands a place like Barrett just did, with seven more kids, we’d love to have the recognition of a shared struggle, a clue as to how she’s doing it.
When Barrett recognizes how much her husband’s aunt has helped fill in the gaps in their parenting routine, I can’t help but hear echoes of Elizabeth Warren’s iconic speech on the need for child care. affordable. When Warren was a young mother herself, her own aunt moved in to care for her young children so that Warren could attend law school. Without her aunt’s help, Warren said, she would never have become a senator. But Warren acknowledged that having a member of your extended family devote themselves entirely to raising your children, possibly without pay, is an incredibly rare gift. Knowing this, she uses her own story as a catalyst to fight for parents who don’t have a home aunt who looks a lot like Mary Poppins.
Child care in my hometown of Nashville is unfortunately difficult to access. The prices are prohibitive, and the last time I considered enrolling my son I was faced with a 24 month wait list. When I have an idea for an article or a book that I know will never be on the page because my 11 month old is teething, I get mad. When I see my smart, capable and driven friends resigning themselves to a season of “just mom” due to a lack of affordable child care, I am also furious for them.
Maybe Barrett East a super hero. Maybe she doesn’t sleep, or she has kids who toilet train and make fresh salads for school lunch. Or maybe she’s just privileged.
Many have revered Barrett as a do-it-all mom. In his New York Times opinion piece, Ross Douthat turns to Barrett to define a new brand of “distinctive, consistent and influential conservative feminism.”
Patrick J. Deneen, a friend and colleague of Barrett’s in Notre-Dame, paints her as an ordinary mom. In his story, his parental and professional ambitions blend perfectly.
“As I write these lines, some of Barrett’s children are gathered in traveling groups with children from other families, running around the neighborhood without realizing the presence of dark-hued SUVs on every corner.
There are those who want to raise her like an ordinary woman who is leading the way for the rest of us.
All I know is that she’s not a trailblazer if she doesn’t show us the way.
Caroline Siegrist is a freelance writer. She lives with her husband and two young children in Nashville.
