Victoria Bateman, 35, lost her husband, Lance Corporal James Bateman of the 2nd Battalion, Parachute Regiment in 2008, when he was shot dead by the Taliban in southern Afghanistan.
Sky News sat with her to hear her thoughts on the peace agreement signed between the United States and the militant group responsible for the death of her childhood girlfriend.
What do you think of the US-Taliban peace agreement?
Really mixed feelings. Anything that can bring peace to a region that has been so unstable would be amazing, however, I personally think it is a deal with the devil.
The Taliban funded al-Qaeda and hid its leader Osama bin Laden, which is why American and British forces entered in the first place.
How did your husband die?
The morning of June 12 [2006] they came from a shura, which is a meeting with the old locals as part of the hearts and minds campaign. On the way back to their forward operating base, they were ambushed and he was ambushed.
Do you think about when you were knocked on the door and told yourself that your husband had been killed?
Often. I often think of that time. Every year on the occasion of the anniversary. Every year at Souvenir when this happens.
It has been 12 years since you received this news, do you still remember how you felt?
You can never prepare for it – it was just the most heartbreaking and heartbreaking experience. I cannot put into words what I felt that day.
All I know, all I remember is that it was a day when my life completely changed. It changed my life forever. I made me the person I am today, which is probably stronger, more determined, but I would give up 100% just to find him.
Do you remember the last time you spoke to him?
Curiously, I had a conversation at work. He called me. It was shortly after three other members of the Parachute Regiment were killed by a suicide bomber. He called me to let me know he was fine.
A colleague reminded me of the conversation because I was so upset that I couldn’t even remember if I told him I loved him.
It haunted me for many years until a year after dinner, I was talking about it and she said “you said you liked it”. It really put me at peace. He was really concerned that I knew he was fine. Obviously, he was down because he had just lost members of his regiment.
How do you feel knowing that the Taliban – responsible for the death of your husband – could be back in government?
I have no hatred. I think hate will just consume me. It worries me how extreme they are and how radical they can be in terms of women’s rights and Afghanistan’s development in a democratic country, which we were trying to achieve.
I think if I’m honest, left to their own devices [the country] would regress massively through fear, intimidation. They take too much money out of the drug trade – to give it up. I see no alternative offered.
Was the war in Afghanistan worth it?
It’s difficult. I don’t want to take away from what all the guys and girls in the forces have accomplished.
Personally, not for me. I lost too much. I have given up too much and I don’t see anything tangible that has come back. I don’t know if a life is worth it, but there is never any justification.
If you can tell me that a group of girls graduated from the area where my husband died because of his sacrifice, it wouldn’t bring him back, but would it make me feel like I had accomplished something ? Absolutely. I just don’t see it.
What does it make you feel?
It makes me feel … it’s really devastating. I made the ultimate sacrifice and for what? For nothing really. It’s devastating but I think I can’t dwell on it or it will just consume me. I have a life to live. I have to go on with my life for him and for me.
You have to trust the people we vote in government to do the right thing. Is this the right thing? Not in my opinion.
US signs peace deal with Taliban activists to end 18 years of bloodshed in Afghanistan
As time goes on, British forces fighting and dying in Afghanistan, are you worried that people will forget the sacrifices made?
I think to some extent it has already been forgotten. I think people think that so long ago, we should be done with it. [There are commemorations] for the First World War and the Second World War. Will we see that for the people who died in Afghanistan and Iraq? Probably not. Should we? I think it should be marked.
The sacrifice of the people today is no different from the times. They all gave the same thing. They were all ready to do the same and everything was in conflict, whatever the scale. They all went in the name of the Queen and the country. I think it should be marked in one way or another.
When your husband was deployed to Afghanistan in 2006, what did you hope this could accomplish?
As a woman, there were great hopes, first of all for ensuring peace, for allowing people to vote freely, for having a democratic country, for women to have the rights they enjoy in other countries – which we enjoy here as education, employment. This is really what I was hoping it would help achieve.
It is not a quick fix, but it does not seem like it is something tangible that could result in everyone being able to continue under the new peace agreement.
Peace agreement will see US forces return from Afghanistan
What do you think he would think the United States is signing an agreement with the Taliban?
He would be incredibly proud of this regiment and what it has accomplished.
Secretly, he would probably be quite upset. I think he probably would have thought we left too early …
He should probably make a deal with terrorists they always believe they never will.
How is life for you today, 12 years after losing your husband?
Life is what I made of it. I try to take a positive approach as much as possible and I obviously carry his spirit and strength with me and the traits he had. He was powerful, determined, strong. I tried to take it with me as I continue my life.
Things like that come back bring it all back and you wonder if it was worth it. It brings you back to that feeling when you knew he was dead and to reason.
President Donald Trump and Afghan President Ashraf Ghani at Bagram Air Force Base in Afghanistan in November
When people think of war widows, they usually think of older women, but Afghanistan has left a group of young widows. What has it meant for your life, being a widow so young?
I was 24 when James died. We were very young. He was my childhood love, so in some ways it completely ruined my life. In other ways, it showed me things about myself that I didn’t know were possible.
The campaign has changed, ruined and affected the lives of many, from those who have lost someone to those who have been injured physically or mentally.
It mentally affected the trauma of losing my husband. Handling this publicly at 24 was not something I was unprepared for and thinking about it, I don’t know how I did it either.
