Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Getty Images
Everyone from Hailey Bieber to LaLa Anthony to Gwen Stefani have launched beauty brands this year — but have you even noticed? In this currently crowded celebrity market, it’s hard to make headlines for slapping your name on a face cream. Perhaps that’s why the famous people below have put their ideas together to develop and launch the most random products in the world.
Yes, these innovators have decided to lend their star power to items like antimicrobial sponges and pet vitamins. While celebrities certainly promoted equally bizarre products before this year, today’s entrepreneurs stand out for their willingness to associate deeply with items no one needs. This is bold, groundbreaking work, and we salute these stars in their pursuit of success outside of Sephora.
Do you know the brand God’s True Cashmere? Technically, it soft-launched in 2020, but co-founder Brad Pitt has made a big push to spread the word about it this year with features in vogue and on Goop. Pitt started the brand with “holistic healer” Sat Hari Khalsa, after they both had independent visions of Pitt needing more “sweetness” in his life. The products themselves are cashmere shirts that cost between $1,900 and $2,300. According to Goop, “Each shirt has hand-cut gemstone snaps – 7 in the front, representing the chakras, and 11 in total, which is the mastery number in numerology.” They come in colorways including Cinnamon Tiger Eye (red and yellow checkered) and Transcendence Sunstone (black).
Pitt has a lot going on in his personal life right now, so the fact that he was able to come up with and promote this level of utter nonsense is impressive. Five stars.
Did you know that Machine Gun Kelly has a brand of nail polish? It is called UN/DN LQR and its slogan is “Now Go Create Epic Shit”. This year, MGK created an epic collaboration with his fiancée, Megan Fox, which launched just last week.
According to Fox, polishes have a “strong sexual energy,” something no one has ever said before about nail polish. You can pick up all six for $90, with shades including Past Life (blue), Twin Flame (red), and Third Eye (purple). the fox said Seduce the blue and green shades were designed to look like her favorite crystals. “They protect against psychic attacks – you constantly get famous – and they work well to restore trust.”
Congratulations to the happy couple on launching a brand just for themselves. Five stars.
Lately, Eva Mendes has been making headlines for hinting that she’s married her longtime partner and father of her kids, Ryan Gosling. Why is she doing this? Maybe she wants everyone to know she’s married, or maybe she’s trying to drum up interest in her new business: antimicrobial sponges. This year, Mendes became co-owner of Skura Style, a company that makes “smart” sponges with patterns that fade when it’s time to change them ($15 for a pack of 4).
Mendes has promoted the line non-stop on Instagram with increasingly eerie videos of her picking up a bunch of sponges and then dropping them. “I’m so weird I like to crush a sponge,” she said The Hollywood Reporter in September while discussing the partnership. OK! Five stars.
Technically, you could call Naomi Watts’ new venture a beauty brand. But she gets points by targeting a single clientele: postmenopausal women. Watts launched Stripes this year, which is a line of “wellness” products that includes an $85 facial serum called “The Power Move” and a $50 “Ectoine Hydrating and Conditioning Gel” for the vulva. called “Vag of Honor”.
“Menopause hit me like a big gnarly Mack truck!” Watts writes in brand promotional materials. I’m glad she found a way to monetize it. Five stars.
In September, weird eye co-hosts Jonathan Van Ness and Antoni Porowski suggested in multiple Twitter and Instagram posts that they were dating. Unfortunately, people figured out within seconds that it was just a ruse to sell something. And that something was dog food.
The day after their fake dating announcement, Porowski and JVN revealed that they co-founded a brand called Yummers Pets (yep), which sells “functional mixes” and protein supplements for dogs and cats for $29.99 a bag. . From their blindly cynical marketing efforts to the confusing nature of the products themselves (is it food? Vitamins? Both?), these two have cemented their place on this list and might even win the year. also next. Five stars.
Supplements … for people? Now I heard it all. Kourtney Kardashian made history this year by launching a product in a category her more enterprising sisters have yet to touch. Clothes, makeup, skincare, booze, and home decor were all out, so Kardashian landed on… gummy vitamins. Contrary to tradition, Kardashian refused to produce a basic multivitamin or anything else useful to the general population and instead created $30 matcha gummies (benefits unproven) as well as supplements aimed at ‘focus’ and “digestion”. The brand is called Lemme, as in “lemme live,” which isn’t iconic Kardashian says from time to time.
The part-time lifestyle blogger deserves points for the marketing, which involved a photo shoot in which she jumped into (out of? hovered over?) a big green pile of matcha. Five stars.
It’s sort of a cutie mark, but it’s so much more than that. It’s Freshe. Tisdale has been posting confusing ramblings about wellness and other topics on her lifestyle blog, Frenshe, for the past two years. (“Why Moving My Couch Was Like a Therapy Session,” is a recent and representative article.) But this year, the former musical high school star launched a line of products to go along with it, using the same curious name, Being Frenshe. According to the site, the key word is pronounced “fren•shē” and appears to be a play on Tisdale’s husband’s last name, which is simply “French.”
The products themselves are Bath & Body Works-style lotions and washes in scents such as Solar Fleur and Cashmere Vanilla. There are candles, body mists, and bath bombs, and everything appears to be $14.99 and available for purchase at Target. Why does this exist? What does this have to do with Tisdale’s lifestyle blog? Who buys it? (Me, oops.) Frenshe stars.