A new patent application has revealed that Sony seems to think you’ll want to use a banana controller for the PS5, as if that’s a desirable option.
Sony wants you to use a banana as your PS5 controller. No, this is not satire.
A new Sony patent application details technology that could turn basic household items into game controllers, giving users the ability to “Using an inexpensive, simple, non-electronic device as a video game peripheral” rather than a complicated, high-tech controller. But that’s the banana they seem to really focus on to exemplify this innovative form of gameplay.
The pending patent describes a method which allows a “Passive non-luminous object held by a user” to be used as a controller, the locations of the virtual buttons being recognized on the object. Sony gave the example of players grabbing objects (like, maybe… bananas) and moving them like analog sticks.
Images were even included in the patent to demonstrate the potential technology, one showing X and triangular buttons projected onto a banana. Another diagram illustrates the “ two-object controller ” method, in which you can hold not one, but two bananas that work in conjunction with each other (image wielding two fruity swords in a battle actually Virtual).
Sony is no stranger to filing patents that could turn into real products – like the PSVR patent before the PS5 PSVR was announced – and they are definitely working to bring more virtual and augmented reality products to the table. However, it is important to note that this technology may not emerge for a long time, if at all.
Microsoft: Our next-gen Xbox has 12TFLOPS of industry-leading shader GPU throughput.
Sony: LOL PS5 Banana Controller https://t.co/1GmmUgR5TQ
– Austin Evans (@austinnotduncan) March 3, 2021
But if that happens, are these bananas we’re going to use them on? Sony really took the lead, but if every possible fruit and veg controller were put to the test, would bananas really come out on top? Unlikely.
Bananas are a fruit with many drawbacks – they will only last a few days before they die off, and you need to move on to your next controller. Their drawbacks also exist in the short term, with a banana just too fragile for gameplay that has the potential to get aggressive.
Think of the mess if you get too enthusiastic and swing really hard during a game of Ping Pong VR, or clench your fists in frustration when you lose a FIFA 21 match. Think about it.
To be fair, Sony isn’t the first to consider playing with bananas – Rudeism, a streamer who likes to play games poorly, starred as Winston on Overwatch aptly using bananas in 2016. Maybe Sony was inspired.
So, the fateful moment has come to decide which fruit or vegetable would, in fact, be the best controller if the beloved banana did not pass the test. It can neither be too soft nor too rigid. The shelf life cannot be too short (because no one wants to find a new controller so regularly).
Perhaps the trusty apple, which is firm enough and can be made to last in the fridge, but has a round shape that may not be ideal. Or maybe the trusty carrot, which is long enough to be comfortably held and is not susceptible to breaking under pressure, but has the problem of calibration that deteriorates if it becomes soft and floppy.
No, he’s an outsider who will rise from the ashes to become the ultimate edible controller – the sweet potato. It’s a vegetable that can last, with a shelf life of three to five weeks in the pantry, two to three months in the refrigerator, and even longer in the freezer.
It’s also relatively inexpensive and packed with nutrients if actually being eaten is the order of the day. It’s sturdy enough to withstand some pressure without being rock hard, and it’s typically longer than your average potato, so there’s plenty of room for virtual button placement.
Sweet Potatoes are the top PS5 controllers.
Alternatively, you can just use something that isn’t edible at all. Or, if you’re feeling really crazy, a real controller.