This parental behavior is far too common in many sporting events for young people in the United States.
This is a problem that has received wide attention. Former U.S. National Women’s Team star Abby Wambach and his wife Glennon Doyle reported on social media that parents suck lollipops during youth sporting events so as not to lose their control. This is what they do when they watch their kids playing football. Apparently, self-control in youth sports has not yet gained momentum. A youth football tournament organizer in Eden Prairie, Minnesota, has banned parents from looking aside due to chronic bad behavior.
But what makes parents angry at sporting events for young people? And how can we curb this behavior?
Youth sport
Youth sports are a different game from what many adults experienced as children. The 1993 film “The Sandlot” describes how things worked in the 1960s and 1970s: no tests, professional trainers, adult referees or spectators. Just a group of kids playing ball on a sandy field until they need to come home for dinner.
Today’s youth sports are a $ 15 billion industry in the United States and a big commitment of time and money for parents and their children. The result is more pressure to perform and less fun for young athletes.
Many parents also seem to confuse youth sports with professional sports. “Professional sports are for entertainment. The players, coaches and officials are all adults and they are well paid, “said John O’Sullivan, founder and CEO of Changing the Game Project. “Participants in youth sports, including the referees, are young people. But parents invest so much time and money in their child’s sports that they lose sight of the intrigue. Instead of going on vacation or dining, parents treat their child’s sports as a form of entertainment for themselves. This concentration can make parents feel too invested in the outcome of a game.
Many parents derive their self-esteem from the achievements of their children. “Children have become a reflection of their parents,” says Catherine Sanderson, a professor at Amherst College who teaches a sports psychology course. “Their success, in academia or in sport, is a tangible way for parents to measure their own success: if my child is a” winner, “I must also be a winner.”
The blame game
Sport is a metaphor for life: Sometimes things don’t go the way you want them to. Learning to deal with disappointment, whether it’s a bad call or a deletion when the basics are loaded, is a valuable lesson. But this message has been suppressed by parents who want to protect their child from anything that could happen in the negative.
“We need to put an end to the parents of helicopters and lawnmowers, those who mow all obstacles for their children and give ownership to (young) athletes,” said O’Sullivan. The man who yelled at my son probably thought he was protecting his daughter. But the explosion did not help her daughter or change the outcome of the match. All she did was distract and embarrass her daughter and ruin a time for learning out of frustration.
Wolff says sports leagues must define and enforce strict policies on secondary behavior. “At the start of the season, league officials should declare that they will not tolerate heinous behavior on the part of the parents,” he said. “If you break the rule, you will not be able to attend the games for the rest of the season. If you shout, get angry, or use profanity, you will be asked to leave immediately. Word will quickly spread among parents that the code of conduct is enforced, and all spectators will behave better. ”
How to keep calm
There are no rules requiring parents to attend their children’s games. While some children like to have their parents in the stands, others prefer to play without the distraction or pressure of an audience.
“Many parents say they are there for their children, but they are really there for themselves,” says Sanderson. “I never go to my sons’ sporting events. They are there to play with their friends. I prefer to collect them after the match and ask them, “Did you have fun?” After that, it’s up to them to decide what details to share with me about their experience. ”
Parents who choose to attend their children’s games should remember to be positive and supportive and not to be side coaches or challenge officials (remember these lollipops?). The National Federation of State High School Associations has launched a campaign to support student athletes, including a video with suggestions on how parents can limit their emotions and create memories with their children through athletics.
While the main goal in professional sports is to win, placing the goal only on victory in youth sports sends the wrong message to children. Emphasis must be placed on development and the many life skills to be acquired by participating in organized sports. Parents can help their children set goals that are in their control, such as improving skills and being a good teammate.
To control emotions during play, Bean suggests that parents change their perspectives. “Instead of seeing a game like my child against your child, look at him like all “our” children who participate, “he says. “This includes your child’s teammates, the other team’s children and the referees as well.”
Parents should encourage their child, teammates and even the children of the other team. “When the parents are in the stands, the children always look at them and try to see if they are satisfied with them,” says Wolff. “So behave like an adult and set a good example.”
O’Sullivan adds: “Parents must remember that children don’t need us to participate in their games. We are here to serve them. Your child is only a child, so help make it a fun experience by supporting him, not embarrassing him. ”
Randi Mazzella is a writer and mom in New Jersey. Find her on Twitter @RandiMazzella.