A: Many parents make their summer camp plans, so this is a timely matter. And as a former camper and lover (who has three children who refuse to go to sleep camp), I am a big supporter of our little ones who go to the right sleep camp.
Your essential question is: how can I make my son happy to go to camp? Here is the simplest answer I will give: you can’t. You can’t push the needle toward positivity, you can’t cheerleader and you can’t force him to excitement when he’s panicked. Why is it? The answer is both simple and complex, so let’s go.
One of the basic ideas that I focus on is that separation is the main source of alarm. Humans, especially children, are built to be close to each other, and when we are threatened with separation, we try to find ways to stay close to those we love.
When your son signed up for camp so many months ago, his head was filled with fun activities such as swimming and meeting new friends, and it was all far and exciting. Going to camp was nothing to fear because it was not immediate.
Then the reality of departure begins to emerge, and the fact that your son must leave his people settled. The idea of you leaving the alarm, so the camp is not as great as before. Rationally, you list all the reasons imaginable for you and for him why the camp is always a great idea (you have visited before, it is there for less time, other children in your area are going), but this is not is not a rational problem: it’s emotional. There is no amount of problem solving that gets around the emotional need to be close to the people we love.
What can you do to help your son feel more relaxed about going to camp?
1. Slow down or stop problem solving and rational choices. When children are worried, they don’t tend to feel better when someone tells them not to worry. (This is true for every human being, right?) In fact, too much parenting can lead to more worry in children, as it never resolves the deeper fear of separation.
2. Replace rational language with emotional language. While it may be trying for you, agree with your son about his nervousness. Say things like “He East scary going to a new place, “” I can see what four weeks are like like a long time, “or” Not knowing exactly what’s going to happen can be scary. When children feel that their parents understand their hearts, they can relax. This relaxation, even if it does not resolve the specific anxiety in itself, helps to reduce the grip of fear on the child.
3. When moving through emotional language, it is perfectly acceptable to solve a problem. Ask your son to write down his concerns and come up with solutions together. If he is afraid of making friends, can he train with you in advance? He may have questions in his back pocket, such as: “Where do you live?”; “Do you play Minecraft?”; or “I play baseball a lot. Do you practice a sport? “These can be small openings to which your son can turn when he is nervous. Conversely, you can practice asking him questions and answering him.
4. Understand that the ebb and flow are worrying. Some days your son will feel confident and ready, but as the departure date approaches, he will swing between excitement and fear. As a parent, don’t let your emotions distract you. Instead, be like a solid boat on the waves. Listen, think about his concerns, see if there is a solution and express your confidence in his ability to go to camp, that he can use his fear to fuel his courage. I love using the Hey Sigmund website (heysigmund.com) as a resource to better understand anxiety, worries, children and parenting.